Random Thoughts on BlogHer08

I am so very intimidated. These are people who twitter from their cell phones, right next to me. And something called tweeting, which, but I'm not sure, might be related to twittering.

Dooce is really tall. I was within spitting distance of her, but I didn't think she'd appreciate my spit. I thought about asking for a picture of perhaps the tallest woman with the shortest woman (me), but I was too shy. I think I literally came up to her waist.

Lots of people want to make money off their blogs. Quite a few already do. For some reason this depresses me.

Several people have had bad things happen to them because of issues or people they talked about on their blogs. This also depresses me.

No one knows me. I know no one. This depresses me too, although since I remain largely anonymous, can't really be helped.

I'm fighting a migraine, which really bums me out and makes me not terribly approachable or socially outgoing.

It wasn't all depressing. They gave out candy bars at 5pm, I made it my mission to get as much free stuff as possible and did fairly well, although I missed the gorillapods. Sigh. I did pick up a full container of Method olive oil body wash at the recycling station. Score! Totally made up for the $31 parking fee.

I saw the real (so to speak) Grover and Abby Cadaby in the Sesame Street Suite. I was sad that the boys weren't with me and I missed them. I also saw several mothers with infants and missed my infants, who are not infants any more.

I also saw the Michelin Man. He looks just like his picture, and I suspect he's not a man.

The lady at the Intuit financial makeover place looked lonely. Looking at their materials, I was encouraged to ask her a question about my business, so I asked her, "How do I make more money in less time?" She laughed, but didn't have an answer. I suppose if I'd asked her a question she could answer, I would've gotten a pair of the fuzzy slippers they had stacked up under the table.

I saw the HP guy give a chick a t-shirt from behind the table, so I went up and started talking to him about his touch screen, just so I could get a t-shirt. too. It felt slightly dirty. Not the t-shirt, which I'm wearing right now, but the behavior. It was a cool screen, though. Sold me, if I had the money.

There was a fashion show on Union Square, and I got to the plaza above the parking garage early enough to see the models show up for a walk-through. They were quite tall and insanely skinny, and I thought, how absurd is it that we pick that kind of body type to display clothing so we can sell clothing to lots of people, when no one I know looks like that naturally.

Ack! Need Help!

So I'm heading to BlogHer tomorrow, and I just read the tips for newcomers. One thing I saw echoed several times was, "Have an answer to the question, 'What's your blog about?'"

Help! What's my blog about?

Coming Soon...

What I Did on My Summer Vacation (with visual aids).

But for now, while I get my photos uploaded, remember this:

Never, ever, poke your head into the doorway of a parenting class just because you're curious. Especially at your kid's Bible Camp. God will take the opportunity to punish you for not going to church more often, and before you know it, you'll be turning "Me" statements into "We" statements with the only other people in the room: the Reverend and the elderly parents of the assistant vicar.

Today we're heading from Portland to Sunriver, OR until next week. See the snow pictures? It won't look like that.

I'm pretty sure we won't have internet access.

Try not to do anything interesting until I get back, 'kay?

Provisions

We're climbing into the car this morning with the kids and driving north for about 12 hours until we pass out at my sister's house.

I've got:

pb&j sandwiches
turkey sandwiches
plain turkey in case the kids don't want sandwiches
cheese sticks
grapes and strawberries
cereal bars
power bars
cheese crackers
trail mix
raisins
juice
water
diet coke

and

new kid's music
kid's books on cd
movies and a dvd player
tv shows on my iPod
new coloring books
lots of crayons
new WALL-E book

My children will repay my efforts by not complaining the whole way, right?

The Canopy of Blessings

So when G and I were planning our wedding, which was eight years ago tomorrow, I had this great idea.

While dating, we had been to a Winter Solstice celebration where there was this bamboo canopy thing, like this chuppa without the cloth, and smaller.


Everyone wrote their wishes for the coming year on slips of paper and then attached them to the canopy with pipe cleaners. The whole thing was set over a small table of votive candles, which made the papers flutter slightly and was really pretty.

So my brilliant idea was that we would have our wedding guests write their wishes for us on slips of paper and tie them to the canopy as they arrived. Then, at the end of the ceremony, we'd get four friends to carry the canopy up to the stage (we were married outside) and actually be pronounced married while underneath the canopy of blessings. I envisioned a moment where we'd be silent and take in all the blessings from our friends and family.

We asked the guy who ran the Solstice celebration to come and bring his bamboo canopy. He was also supposed to lead the gathering in some sacred chants to set the mood, and he was supposed to bring a big tapestry for the stage. We are, in fact, quite the groovy-ritual planning pair.

Except Groovy Dude forgot to come. You know how those groovy types can be. Turns out he was making loads of money filming a car commercial that weekend.

Fortunately, my ever-resourceful oldest sister was in charge of coordinating the day, and grabbed the decorated shoebox for guests to put their cards in, emptied it, stuffed the blessings in it, and set it on the corner of the (bare) stage. The priest improvised and had a moment were we all stared at the shoebox.

So instead of a canopy of blessings, we had a shoebox of blessings.


And we spent two nights at the Hilton Waikoloa with the money we would have used to pay Groovy Guy.

Anyway, last night I came home to the blessings of eight years ago strung up in the family room. We had fun reading them to the boys. (G. actually strung them up on our first anniversary, too.) Some are funny, some are unsigned and anonymous, all are sweet.



You know, I still think it was a good idea. And we still have all these really cool wishes from people who love us. And we had a great time at the Hilton.

Tips for Scratchers

G does many things well. Scratching backs is not one of them. I don't think my back is itchier than the normal back, but maybe it is. He seems baffled by my continuous pleas to scratch my back. He tries, he really does. But he gets distracted and then the pressure sort of fades out, meaning I have to bring him back with a "Hey! C'mon! Focus!" Backscratching *must* be done at a consistent pressure to be effective. There's little that's more annoying than a good scratch petering out to nothing.

Also, a note to backscratchers: if the scratchee reaches around and tries to scratch a patch of their own back, while you're scratching some other part, they are not trying to help. They're showing you where to scratch. You MUST immediately abandon the area you're working on and go to the area they're trying to reach. Don't just scratch up and down in the same 1/2" square, either. The itch on a back sort of spreads out like a ripple on the surface of the water from the center...so must your scratching follow those waves.

I guess there's a kind of intuitive backscratching sense one either has or one doesn't. But I appreciate his willingness to keep working on it.

In Which I Clean My Tub

Because I'm a big-name blogger with dozens of readers daily sometimes, I occasionally get free swag to try out. I enthusiastically try out everything I'm sent, with the hopes that someone will someday give me a new vacuum, a backscratcher or perhaps a trip to a spa. We really need a new vacuum. I really would like a trip to a spa. But I'll be happy with a backscratcher.

So the most recent padded envelope sent to me was a new tub cleaner, Scrubbing Bubbles Action Scrubber. (Hey. I'm not too proud to pimp a bathroom cleaner if it will eventually lead to a vacuum or maybe a trip to a resort). Like a good blogger, I took photos of each step.

I was going to present, as exhibit A, the 4 foot high dirt pile in my neighbor's yard that the kids have taken to sliding down on their tummies. The neighbors removed the pile today, though, so you'll just have to imagine it.

I can, however, present as exhibit B, the bathtub after washing all that dirt off the boys. Yuck. Perfect time to put my free bathroom cleaner to the test.



I pulled out the green foam handle thingy. ("Oooh! Glamour shot!" says G.)


I pulled out the packet of pads, STOPPED! and noted that I needed to attach the Printed Blue side to the handle thingy!!

I read the directions, even though I probably could have figured out how to do it myself. But I take my reviewing responsibilities seriously.


I had trouble opening the packet of pads.


This would be the Printed Blue side, with graphics in case you forgot the directions while you were fighting with the packaging.

This would be the white side. Not sure why there'd be any confusion, except the white side is sort of velcro-y, so maybe people's natural inclinations would be to attach that side to the handle.


The Printed Blue side attaches to the green handle like this. It holds firmly.

The set comes with a plastic tub to hold your spare pads, and has a place for the handle thingy to rest on.

I wet the pad under the sink. Don't look too closely at our sink. This bathroom is usually G's domain/responsibility, so I was really proving my dedication to receiving free stuff by cleaning the tub which is in his bathroom.


I couldn't get a photo of me scrubbing the tub without dropping the camera, so you'll just have to use your imagination. I have to say, it worked extremely well. A quick swish and a swipe, with no real scrubbing at all, and the tub was clean. I was pretty impressed. The handle keeps your hands dry and out of the cleaning solvent, and the pad gets thrown out.


You should know, I really hate cleaning the bathroom. And I'm really pretty bad at it. So this was probably the easiest way to clean the tub I've tried yet. Thank you, Scrubbing Bubbles. Do you guys sell a backscratcher?