Point and Click

Today I taught A. to use the digital camera. It was a bribe so he would allow me to take photos of him and Ben after their bath. The best part was that he couldn't figure out how to use the viewfinder, so he'd press the viewfinder to his forehead, face whatever he was taking photos of, and shoot. It was this mind-meld picture taking technique, like he was trying to transfer the picture in his mind to the camera. It was very funny, and I couldn't take a picture of it because he had the camera. But here's a good shot he took of my T-shirt that G. bought me in Florence, and one of their feet:

It's Not Paranoia if They're Out to Get You

So I decided to apply for disability (SDI) during my 6 weeks off work after my c-section. I have been self-employed in private practice for almost a year (since leaving the counseling center last June). Despite having paid into State Disability Insurance for 20 years before that, my claim was denied. Here's why:

"You had withdrawn from the labor market prior to the date you became disabled because you were self-employed for profit. Therefore, you are not suffering a loss of wages due to your disability but instead a loss of profits."

OK, first of all: Profits? Where? Where?? I made about $18G last year. I pay almost half a mortgage on a house in the SF Bay Area, and half the utilities. You do the math.

Second: Why is it wages when a CFO signs my paycheck, but it's profit when the client pays me directly? As far as I can tell, my mortgage and utility bill still gets paid from the money collected.

Now, if they'd said, "Hey, chickadee, you're not paying into SDI right now, so you're out of luck," I would've said, "grrr, OK." I mean, you stop making payments on your health insurance and you're not covered, no matter how much you've already paid. (enter duck quacking: Af-lack, Af-lack). But this whole wages vs. profits thing is ridiculous. Since I'm not bringing in any wages, can I apply for welfare?

I'd always heard that it was hard to be a small business owner, and I assumed that was because of the work. I didn't realize it was because the government makes it very hard to make a living on your own.

OK, enough grousing. Here's the PSA for today: If you are sharing a bed with a baby and you feel a warm wet spot, chances are excellent that it is, indeed, a warm wet spot.

I was napping next to Ben, and I'm used to wetness up near my head (baby throw-up) and on my chest (mommy-leakage), but I'd never felt it near my belly before. I thought maybe it was just the warmth of being next to him, but no, it was sort of spreading and getting warmer, like a warm, wet spot.

The diaper that G. had carefully put on him before the nap had come loose. Hence, the PSA of the day.

Finale Roundup

Desperate Housewives: Really good one. I love season enders that wrap up more loose ends than they leave. We don't know if Mike'll be shot by kid-who-might-be-his-son (did we ever find out who shot him before? I missed one and have been confused ever since), but we know who Deidre was and why Angela/Mary Alice killed her. I still had her pegged as the social worker who tried to take Dana/Zach away - can't believe I didn't think of her being his mother! Duh! I like this show even better than when it started - I think the acting's gotten better. Although, I still don't think these four women would be friends. And I don't believe Bree and Rex wouldn't have suspected Creepy Pharmacist much earlier.

Apprentice: Kendra, straighten your neck, for pity's sake! I just want to reach through the TV screen and wrench her head back up.

Survivor: I MISSED IT! Proof that I am a new mother: I lost track of when the finale was, and the next thing I know I'm logging onto the internet and there's a headline saying Tom won! Crap!

Lost: Kind of frustrating. No sooner do they save the baby than the little boy gets picked up by the Pirates of the Caribbean. We're no closer to finding out what the black smoke is, and the hatch apparently goes to China. Pppssssh.

AI: I've called each AI correctly until this one. Nothing against Carrie, but I agreed with Simon that she was a little wooden.

Those are my shows, along with West Wing. Still waiting for that one, although we're still not going to find out who won. What do you think - Alan Alda or Jimmy Smits as the next POTUS? I was hoping Al Bundy would have more to do - how cool to have a showdown between Al and Hawkeye.

More Fun with A.

• A.to G. when he wants him to do something: (singsong) "I got special job for you!"
  
  
• A. to me when he doesn't want to do something: "No, sorry, I busy working something right now." (wonder where he's heard that....)
  
  
• He wanted to watch his Thomas DVD and I suggested Sesame Street instead, and he looked very sad, and said:
  
  "Sesame Street? No, sorry, we don't watch Sesame Street. Boys watch Thomas and the Jet Engine. Girls watch Sesame Street. Sorry."
  
  What cracked me up was that he was shaking his head sadly and shrugging his shoulders as he said it, like he was truly sorry to inform me of these rules. (And it sounds more like "Sesee Steet," which is also cute).
  
  
• Driving home from babysitter/friends:
  A: "I had fun with Susan!'
  Me: "That's great, honey."
  A: "I have fun with Papa too."
  Me: "Yeah, Papa's pretty fun."
  (pause)
  Me (knowing I'm going to regret this): "And you have fun with Mama, too, right?"
  A: "No, I have fun with Papa."
  (pause)
  Me: "But sometimes you have fun with Mama, right?"
  A: "Nooo, I have fun with Papa!"
  

Games

I thought I'd share some of A.'s favorite sports with you. All rules made by him, and he usually takes the part of Player 1.

Basketball

Hold ball in both hands in front of your chest. Toss ball up and out. Wait about one second, then jump. Retrieve ball, repeat. Ask others to play basketball with you and ignore them when they point out it appears to be a one-person game.

Football

Hold ball with both hands, squat as low as possible. Yell out random numbers in any order, but two of the numbers must be "6" and "13". If other player forgets "6" and "13," stop game and make them do it over.

When done calling numbers, stand up and run in a large circle.

Football, Alternate

This form is played when the neighbor boys are playing their own version of football on our lawn (why not their lawn? I don't know). Stand well clear of running, larger boys, but when they tackle each other, run over and throw self on lawn next to them. Clear area when they get up, stand to side, repeat.

Soccer

Player 1 stands behind soccer ball ("home") and sends Player 2 to Exact Right Spot, about 25 feet away. If Player 2 does not stand in Exact Right Spot, leave ball, walk over and point out Exact Right Spot. Player 1 may change his mind about Exact Right Spot on the way back to "home" and need to readjust Player 2.

When Player 1 is finally ready, he walks about 3 paces behind ball, yells, "Ready for big kick, Mama?" runs forward and kicks. No matter where ball ends up, Player 1 raises hands in "touchdown" sign and yells, "Goooooooal!" or, sometimes for variety's sake, "Two Points!"

Baseball

Despite chance of disaster, play game only in family room. Player 1 holds empty paper towel roll behind him with one hand. Player 2 pitches ball toward Player 1, Player 1 tries to hit ball with paper roll. If Player 1 misses, both players yell, "Stteeeeeerrrike!" and Player 1 retrieves ball, saying, "I try it again!" Repeat until paper towel roll accidentally makes contact with ball. Look startled, then yell, "Home Run!" At various points in game, tackle Player 2 ("Papa") and tell him that you're a big elephant.

Spider

If one player is wearing Spiderman T-shirt, other player runs up to him, yells, "Spider!", first player yells "Spider!" back, and both players run in a circle. After the initial circle run, either player, can, at any time, run up to other player, yell, "Spider!" and both players must run in small circle. Both players must be under 4 years old.

Free Speech Now!

So I deleted the post about the craziness in G's hiring process because he's afraid someone will put it all together and dooce him. I'm being censored! (Insert photo of me with black tape crisscrossed over my mouth here).

Anyway, he may actually start June 9. We'll see.

A. stepped on Ben today. Ben didn't seem to mind. A few weeks ago A. leaned on Ben's tummy as he gave him a kiss and Ben turned into one of those bath toys that squirt water, except it was milk and it squirted out in a huge arc, delighting A.and making him want to see it again. He talks about it constantly. I think he was trying to see if stepping on Ben would produce the same result.

All Hail Tortuga!

That was it! You know how code sort of starts swimming in front of your eyes and you can't see straight? She found the missing ul and it worked! Much better - that was really bugging me. Thanks Wendy. Happy knitting!

At a Loss

I have hit the limits of my competency (which doesn't take much). I'm editing the links in the sidebar. I had so many I thought I should divide them into categories. So I have parent-y blogs, by parents and sometimes about parenting; crafty/scrappy/knitty blogs; and other blogs (I'm sorry about that - I don't mean to make them look like also-rans just because the blogs aren't about cute kids or paper and yarn).

Anyway, the parent-y blog part is all nice and centered, with a nice small type. Right below it, in the scrappy/crafty part, the links are big and aligned to the left. I can't figure out why it would look different since, according to the cascading style sheet, which I did not write and only marginally understand, they're all supposed to look the same. I've tried everything I can think of - changing the font size, etc., align="center" and all that. Any nice person wanna take a look at the source and tell me what to do?

Anyway, the crafty/scrappy blog list is mostly new. It includes blogs by some of the big names in the scrap world. These women are great designers and their blogs look awesome. The writing on a few gets a little precious sometimes but it's their blogs and they can do what they want. One, Rhonna Farrer, is my digital scrapping idol. She designs, hands down, the best (and most expensive) digital scrapping kits.

Where Did the White Fence Go, Mama?

Overheard: "Be the monkey you want to see in the world."
~ G. to A. while they were pretending to be animals.

I'm not sure about this, but I think A. could be going through some weird developmental stage where his cognition has surpassed his language skills, or vice versa. He's coming out with more and more non-sequiters (like the title of this post) and nonsensical monologues.

Tonight, in between kicks of a soccer ball (I'm taking a guess on how to punctuate this): "It's a big tree. Big tree goes CRASH, zoom to Thomas, that way ::::waving arms around:::::. And Gordon. It's dark and muddy road. Sometimes, sometimes. Is a good idea. Yes. Frogs. Hear frogs, Mama?"

Oh, hey, I can answer this! "Yes, I hear the frogs."

"Holy Cow! Oh no, That's very very dangerous." Sad head shaking.

I end up saying, "OK," a lot and "If you say so." Who knows what I'm agreeing to, though?

He's also picking things up very quickly. Today I muttered, "Oh, good lord," as Fussy Boy Ben refused to let me sit down again. A. heard me and for the rest of the night, everytime Ben fussed, A. would yell, "OH GOOD LORD!"

So, Anyone Here from Hoboken?

A: "I'm the sweetest big brother in the world."
B: "How 'bout this guy, huh? Give him a nice warm round of applause!"

*Caption courtesy of my sister. I knew Ben looked like a Borscht Belt comedian, but she put the words in his mouth.

And We Usually Tie the Older One to the Roof....

G took A's baby boy doll to work with him to use with in play therapy with a child client. He had it all bundled up in a receiving blanket, and as he was loading up the car to go home, he looked at the doll in his arms and felt a surge of love for our baby boy. He smiled at the doll in his arms, thinking of our little guy. Then he opened the trunk and tossed it in. Closing the trunk and turning around, he looked straight into the eyes of a man in a car nearby staring at him.

Then he went back into the office and explained to our co-worker what to say if the police happened to drop by.