If Ben Could Talk....

HI!! I'm Ben, the happiest baby in the world! Everything is so absolutely fantastic, I can only shake my head in wonder. Delightful, everything is just delightful. You people are so funny! I just can't get enough! Oops, did I just throw up again? Is it all collecting in my neck? Hah Hah! Everytime that happens it's just as funny as the first time! Almost as funny as when I sneeze!

Wait, has my diaper been a tiny bit poopy for more than 2 seconds? GODAMNIT!! &^%$$%*!!! I HATE LIFE! THIS HOUSE SUCKS! YOU SUCK AS PARENTS! WAAAAH WAAAAH! CHANGE ME NOW - NO, IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE! I HATE YOU AND I'M NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. I NEED A CLEAN DIAPER IN WHICH TO FINISH POOPING! THEN YOU'D DAMN WELL BETTER GET ON CHANGING ME AGAIN, AND FASTER THIS TIME!

Oh, hey, what's that floating into my field of vision? Could it be my hand again? I wonder what happens if I bring it reallyreallyclose to my eyes? Wow, this thing's fascinating. Does everyone have one of these? It looks like it could be really useful if I had more contol over it, too. Whaddya mean I've got TWO of them? Jackpot! Whoa, where'd it go? It keeps disappearing. I hope it comes back.

Oh, it's the black and white mobile again! I LOVE this thing! I am SO happy to see it! These guys are my best friends. Especially the face with the bald head. I keep telling it I love it and it always smiles back because it loves me too. It's always happy, like me. Life is good. There's that Mama again - she's awesome and I have to give her the biggest smiles. I am so overjoyed to see her! She's the best!

%&$#*#*#* BUT NOW I AM FREAKIN' TIRED AND YOU ARE KEEPING ME UP! DON'T YOU KNOW I NEED VERY SPECIFIC CONDITIONS UNDER WHICH TO FALL ASLEEP??? HAVE I NOT MADE MYSELF CLEAR?? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT I'M STILL AWAKE! IT'S YOUR FAULT AND I HATE YOU! WHO SAID YOU COULD BE A MOTHER? WHAT DOES A BABY HAVE TO DO AROUND HERE TO GET some rest? Geezus......

Zzzzzz.........