T+ A Day and a Half

I did expect it to be hard. It seems so momentous - from here on out, he doesn't live here full-time. Just 3 days ago, he did. 

 What I wasn't prepared for was the onslaught of memories. B. just asked me to cut his hair, so I instantly thought of 2 days ago when A. "let" me cut his hair before he left and got teary. Is everything going to be measured in "before he left" and "after he left?" 

 We're in Halloween season, which is my favorite time of year, so there are lots of memories of pumpkin patches and hay mazes, costume searches. Geez, how long ago was it that he saw that ladybug costume in Babies R Us and decided that's what he wanted to be? 

 I think what hurts the most is the things I'd hoped to do that we never got to. Every year I wanted to take them strawberry picking, or apple picking, and it never happened. 

I know it's cliche to say that it went by so fast, and I know there were times when it was so slow going. There's the nostalgia for long ago, and there's the pain of what I miss now. 

He spent a lot of time in his room for the last couple of years, but at least I knew he was in there. I miss him playing his video games on the TV. I miss knowing he'd turn out the lights since he was usually the last one up. I miss him emptying the dishwasher, and slamming doors when he didn't realize how loud he was being because he had his headphones on. I miss the squeaking of the trampoline. God, I really miss him. 

There are a few things I tell myself that help me hang on - 

He is where he should be, where he wants to be. He was so ready to go. 

We are still connected. He still needs us. He'll be back in a few months. Then he'll be gone again, for longer, but everyone tells me it gets easier. He can't come home for weekends, but that's OK. 

What a good job we've done, that he can follow his dreams to London. He's so adventurous, so brave.

He used to tell me I was his favorite person. It's been a long time since that's been true, which is OK. For a while, I was, and that's what I wanted. I wanted to raise my children knowing without any doubt that they were loved. He and his brother still know that. 

We are still a family, it's just going to look different. As it should. 

Adventures in Student Visa-ing

Getting A. to the UK was a roller coaster. 

First was the realization, early in the summer, that we wouldn't be able to go with him to get him settled in. All the move-in stuff I'd been planning, taking him to buy kitchen stuff, bedding, hanging things in the room, meeting the suitemates, etc. Not going to happen - we would just be dropping him off at the airport, making sure he had enough money for a taxi ride to his dorm. We wouldn't even get to see where his room was. 

OK, I'd made peace with that. Next, his university had to issue a very important number - his CAS (Certification of Admission to Study, I think) number. He needed that number to get a student visa. The visa office says you can't apply for a visa more than 2 months before you intend to arrive. So there's this push as soon as the 2-month mark hits to apply - but you can't apply without the CAS number, and it takes the admissions office a while to issue it. 

So we waited and we waited.  Admissions office is all, "We're going as fast as we can, leave us alone." 

Finally the super special number was received. A. immediately applied for the student visa, and we paid all the fees. We had to pay the visa fee, of course, but we also have to pay the NHS fee, since he'll be on their health system. while over there. Fine, please take care of him if he gets sick or hurt. 

During the application process, you have to pick a place where you'll get you "biometrics" taken - basically fingerprints, signature and a photo. Because we live outside SF, we chose the office in SF. First mistake. 

Now we waited for the office to contact us with an appointment. But they never did. We saw on the website that the office was closed due to the pandemic, so A. emailed them and asked if he could switch the biometric choice to Seattle. Seattle, 2 states away. They wrote back and asked for some contact information, which A sent along, and then went silent. Nothing. 

I had bought flights for "move-in" day, which was looming closer and closer. American Airlines cancelled the flights. I rebooked flights on British Airways. 

Meanwhile, King's College London wrote and said that they would like all students who have to quarantine for 14 days upon arrival (definitely all US students) to arrive by September 6th, so they'll be done with the quarantine by the time classes starts. 

King's College is also offering alternate move-in dates because apparently lots of students around the world are having trouble getting visas and travel is weird right now, so they tell us we can move in Oct 31, or January 8th, as well. A. really, really wants to get there. 

OK, I wasn't super thrilled that he'll have to leave 2 weeks early, and I was now going to have to switch the flight and probably pay a bunch more money for it, but it might happen anyway because we couldn't get the biometrics done. Correction: We couldn't get an appointment to get the biometrics done. 

G. and A. actually drove into SF to the address we had for the visa processing office. They found one person working there, who told them, "the UK isn't allowing us to process student visas right now." 

Um, what? We hadn't heard anything about them not processing student visas, and King's was certainly acting like he could still come. 

So we made several phone calls to the UK visa advice line, who knew nothing about this ban, and we decided that the only course of action was to go to Seattle, where the office was open and taking appointments.

But, you can't just switch to another office. You have to cancel your first visa application, and start a new one, which made all of us anxious. But it seemed to be the only way, so A. did it, we paid all the fees again, and chose the Seattle office. We knew he wasn't going to make it by Sept 6th, but maybe he could make it by move-in day again?

A. and I flew to Seattle 2 days later, took an Uber to the Seattle office, got some sushi before our appt time, took 10 minutes to get his fingerprints and photo taken, and then took a uber back to the airport and flew back to Oakland. We had to leave his passport there, with the assurances they'd send it back.

A week later, we had his visa. Yay! Flights were confirmed and it looked like he'd actually make it to the London student housing on move-in day!

Two days before his scheduled departure, we had a family Zoom goodbye, we'd planned for his "last meal" and he started texting me weird questions, like "how much did the plane ticket cost?" and "is it refundable?" 

He came out of his room, and said "I think we need to cancel my flight on Friday."  I told him not to joke about that, and he pointed to his visa, which, sure enough, had October 3rd as its valid date. 

So he'd be with us 2 more weeks. The next day, both G and I were exhausted. It felt like we kept preparing ourselves, and then boom, not happening. I was able to reschedule the flight for October 2nd (he'd arrive on October 3rd) with no fee. He'd been worried that we'd lose the money for the flight, so he was relieved. 

As October 2nd approached, I think we were all holding our breath. What could happen? Earthquake? Small earthquakes were being recorded nearby, so that was a possibility. The COVID numbers were going up both in England and the US - would England close its borders? Also a possibility. 

But yesterday we drove to SF, got his luggage checked in, and said goodbye. He texted us when he landed, at 6am. He sent us a photo of his dorm when he got there. It's a tiny room, a small space to live in without leaving for 14 days. 

They'll give him food for 3 days, and then he's on his own. He'll have to order from nearby restaurants because he can't use the communal kitchen until the quarantine is over. 

My baby boy now lives in London.