Friday, July 23, 2004

Hi hi hi

I'm still here, more or less. Not on the computer as much, except to research pregnancy and depression.  Yep, the first trimester hormones have hit and my week has been one of hanging on by my fingernails until the new meds start working.  I would've done the switch (from Zoloft to Prozac, which worked better for me before) before I got pregnant, but you know, I got pregnant really, really fast.  So the combination of switching and a big hormone rush has thrown the big wet blanket over my brain again.  Had a great vacation, things are going fine, and my brain has decided to fall apart.

It feels like a week-long panic attack. My digestive system is all ferklumpt, I have trouble eating and whatever I do eat comes right out again, anyway (sorry).  I wake up early in the morning dreading another whole day to get through.  Things that usually bring me peace and relaxation don't touch me anymore, which is quite painful.  I know I have a fantastic support system, with lots of people who love me, and frankly, that and a bit of hope are what keep me going.  My niece gave me a little pocket angel a few years back, and I carry it with me to remind me of all the angels in my life.  But right now, it's all about hope. I've gotten through every episode before, and I'm usually a very happy person (when there's an acceptable level of serotonin in my brain).  There's no reason to think that this episode will be any different, so hope is the only game in town right now. 


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