Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Don't Need to Hit Me Over the Head With a Brick

So I was driving to the office this morning, pondering the possibility of an objective morality, when I realized I was starving even though I'd just eaten breakfast. Hmmm. This kind of hunger, plus the weird nightmares last night, plus the existential crisis I'm suddenly in is reminiscent of the way I felt, oh, maybe three weeks ago.

Now, because of my chosen contraceptive device, I don't have periods, but I should still have a cycle of some sort going on since I'm supposedly still ovulating.


Speaking of tampons, which, by the way, I don't need because of my beloved contraceptive device, head on over to f-bomb and watch his extremely cute kid throw around a tampon like a poi ball at a luau. I'm gonna have another bowl of Corn Pops.

By the way, is it evil to tell your kid that he probably won't like Corn Pops because they're corn and corn is a vegetable? Stick with your Cheerios, kid, and hands off my Corn Pops. Especially at this time of the month.

By the way again, no one has ANYTHING to say about free will vs. predeterminism?? Was the debate settled and no one told me? Geez. Always the last to know. Except that I did know Christina did "Beautiful," unlike Trish. Not that I'm making fun of her, because she is beautiful in every single way.


kyknoord said...

It's difficult to get an objective handle on free will vs predestination. If we have free will, how come things seem to have been 'fated', when viewed in hindsight? If everything is predetermined and we don't have free will, how come it feels like we do?

Boobless Brigade Master said...

Okay, I'll play your silly little game. *Grin*

Pre-cancer...I used to believe in signs as well. But you have to be careful when you do that, especially when you ask for them.

I remember hearing about a woman that used to always pray or what have you, for her g-d to send her a husband. Then she couldn't understand why she kept meeting married men, until someone pointed out that 'they' were exactly what she was asking for.

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason...and I still do a little.
However now, hindsight doesn't look so much like 'fate' as it does logic...meaning certain outcomes due to normal flow of anticipated and expected human behavior if that makes sense.

Now...I don't necessarily subscribe to the "there must be something better waiting since I didn't get what I wanted" theory. Because something better could simply be growth on my part or a lesson learned somewhere in the middle of it all. As opposed to, thank goodness I didn't move back to Florida because an entire family was killed on the highway I would have taken...if you know what I mean. That I think is often stretching it...unless it's more of a "my alarm clock didn't go off and I missed my flight, which just crashed into the Atlantic" kind of thing of course.

Cancer brings clarity. I used to pride myself on not being afraid of death, much like you said. Death is a part of life. What I didn't realize, until after cancer...because of my upbringing and certain insecurities...although I found such pride in that, it was merely a mask to avoid admitting that I've always been afraid of growing old alone.

Cancer obviously is a horrible disease and while I feely admit that had I know ahead of time what this year would have been like...I can't say that I'd do it all over again, as opposed to just let it runs it's course and live happily until whenever. Of course, as a mother...I'd do it all over ten times more as long as it's me with the cancer and not Daisy. I scoff when people call me brave...I'm a coward compared to other parents whose children have horrible diseases.

As far as religion...I also believe in *something*, more philosophy than organized relgion persay. The following is one of my favorite quotes when debating with someone that thinks "they" will be the one to rescue me:

"I find that I really resent the idea that the only reason someone might be good or moral is because they're religious. I do what I do without hope of reward or fear of punishment. I do not require a heaven or hell to bribe or scare me into acting decently, thank you very much!"
~Mary Doria Russel

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