Friday, February 09, 2007

Since A. is such a big fan of paperwork, he always has papers to bring home when I pick him up. After getting his "paperwork" out of his drawer*, zipping up his jacket, buckling him and Ben into their respective carseats, all of which I can do in my sleep now, he said, "Mama, did you get my money?"

Me: "Your money? What money?"

A: "The money I bringed for show and tell."

Me: "No, I didn't know you brought money for show and tell. Was it in your drawer?"

A. (heavy sigh and eye-rolling): "No, it was in the show-and-tell basket."

Me: "I didn't know you brought money to school, so how could I have known to get it?"

A: "Well, I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise."

Me: Long discourse on how if it was a surprise, that means I didn't know about it, which means I wouldn't have known to pick it up out of the basket, and they don't even have show and tell, they have "bring something that begins with the sound of the week" and this week's sound is "L" so what was he doing bringing money anyway?**

A: (silence, of course, because what are you going to say to all of that?)

Me: Well, what did you tell everyone about the money?

A: That I got it off your desk.

Excellent. So many different directions to go with this one.

  • You know you're not supposed to take money off my desk.
  • If you want money, tell me and I'll probably give you some.
  • This week's sound is L. What sound does "money" start with?
  • What did the teacher say when you showed her the money?
  • What color were the coins (I don't leave paper money on my desk - I'm not that stupid)? Silver and big or brown and smaller?
But he's a smart cookie. He changed the subject and started asking me questions like, "What do whales drink?" (I don't know, Sex on the Beaches?) and "Why don't fountains get flooded?" and "Why do we have crabs?"*** and "Why do we have astronauts?"

He's only four now, which scares me. I have a PhD****, but I don't think I can keep up with him.

*How many connect-the-dot snowmen can one kid do? So far we're up to 12, I think. God forgive me, I'm throwing most of them away.

**Sometimes I imagine what my kids are going to tell their future therapist. "My mom...she was always really logical but she didn't really make a lot of sense most of the time. I don't think she really heard me."

***The kind that live in the ocean, smart asses. Why DO we have crabs?

****Having a PhD means you took lots of precious time out of your life and put up with a ridiculous amount of B.S., not that you're smart. I still call myself "Dr." on my office voicemail, though, damnit. I earned it.


Sarah O. said...

You know, I remember being 4 years old frighteningly well. One of the things I remember is that not a single grownup had any idea how smart I was. Not that I'm a genius. It's just that 4 year olds' brains work really, really well.

But, wow, do they lack life experience.

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