How to Write a Letter, By A.

1. Tell your mom, "I want to write a letter with my flashing Lightning McQueen pen."

2. Sit down at the table in front of the blank card your mom gives you. Look condescendingly at Mom when she offers to help you write it. Say, "I don't need help. I will tell my guardian angel what I want to say and my guardian angel will tell me what letters to write."

3. When your guardian angel remains strangely silent, tell your mom to grab a pen and paper and write down what you say. Tell her you'll copy the letters onto your card when she's done.

4. Talk as fast as you can.

5. Roll your eyes when your mom can't keep up. Geez - and she's supposed to be a grown-up?

6. Start copying all the letters. Boy, there are a lot of them. Did you really say that much? Get through, "Dear Auntie Sha" and decide you've had enough.

7. Cover card with Christmas stickers because they happen to be nearby.

8. Give to mom and tell her it needs to be sent immediately.