Birthing Thoughts

So I've been thinking about childbirth more and more lately. Guess it's because I've got about 6 weeks to go and am just now realizing I didn't learn anything in the childbirth class we took 2.5 years ago. Not that there was much taught. Our teacher was this rather odd older woman who tended to go off on tangents. Here's one of the only things I remember from the class:

"Once you're ready to deliver, nothing will stop it. (pause) Unless you're in the delivery room and a gunman runs in, I guess. That could stop it, because your body has a built-in mechanism to stop labor when it's threatened. That's so the cavewomen giving birth could stop if she were threatened by a wild animal. So if you were in the delivery room, ready to deliver, and a gunman ran in and started waving his gun around, your labor would probably stop for a while." And so on.... G and I used to be hysterical after every class. Entertaining, but not very useful.

There was nothing about breathing and very little about helpful positions, although she did recommend (and sold, conveniently) birthing balls. I am glad we bought the big orange and green birthing ball (G. was very distressed about the icky colors but that's all she had in my size). We didn't use it during A.'s birth, but sitting on it now and bouncing while watching TV reminds G. that I'm pregnant and am sacrificing my body for his child. That's usually good for at least a neck rub.

Another helpful thing she did was to make all the "partners" get phone books to elevate the feet of their pregnant companions during class. That was nice because it set the right precedent - they were there for no other reason than to make us comfortable.

G. and I weren't completely unprepared - I did read lots of books so I had the whole "imagine a flower opening" image set in my head, we'd written a birth plan (which we completely threw out the window) and we had lots of supplies, from relaxing music to the birthing ball to a foam mat for me kneel on in the shower to hard candies to an ice pack. The only thing we ended up using was the ice pack. The last thing I wanted to hear was relaxing music. And, I wasn't moving an inch more than I had to, let alone get in the shower. Don't even get me started on the "flower opening" thing.

So I think maybe I should take a refresher course, but not from the same woman, who supposedly taught Lamaze but never mentioned it at any point.

A tangent of my own: The worst advice I got as I approached the end of my first pregnancy was from a woman I barely knew who told me that the best advice she got was to not think of the contractions during labor as painful, but to "think of them as a tightening. Because that's what it really is - it's not pain, it's just a tightening."

Just a tightening, my ass.*

Anyway. Bradley? A different Lamaze? Any suggestions? Has anyone found something that really helped? The only experience I have with contractions are pitocin-induced doozies and I have no idea how to manage myself should I actually go into labor on my own. We had a doula the first time and she gave me a nice leg massage with lavender oil and was also a helpful person to bore my eyes into during contractions (G. would've freaked), but I wouldn't say she was able to help with the pain. Most of that was because I was hooked up to IVs, monitors and all sorts of crap (and refusing to move), not because she was inherently unhelpful.

OK, so your assignment is: what kind of childbirth prep should I take? I want something that may help me go natural but that won't make me feel too guilty if I decide on artificial pain relief.

Your other assignment: For those of you who have been pregnant and/or given birth, what was the worst advice you got, either about pregnancy or labor?

I'm also going to fill space here soon with A's birth story. I love reading other people's birth stories, especially if they're worse than mine. Since we began induction on a Sunday and A. wasn't born until Friday, I'm hoping to provide the same kind of satisfaction to many readers.

*I recently found out that a very dear but sometimes a tiny bit anxious (no offense - you know I am too) family member is pregnant with her first, so E., if you're reading this, don't worry, your contractions are going to be "just a tightening" and absolutely nothing to worry about. And, should you want it, Fentanyl ROCKS (check it out - 80 times the analgesic power of morphine Yeeeaaah, baby).