Sarcasm Thursday

Because I am, as mentioned previously, an organizational supply slut, I love organizational websites. I subscribe to one called Organized Families because they send out free calendars and organizing sheets that I never use but like to have anyway.

In their e-mails, they include little tips on time management. Here is this month's tip:

Mom Time management tip: Double up on your work. While you are waiting for the
laundry to be done, pick up the house. While the dish water is running, get all
the dishes rounded up and into the sink (if not there already). While supper is
cooking, start on a few dishes.

Seriously? Seriously???!!

Let's see a show of hands: how many Moms out there put the laundry into the washing machine, pour soap in, turn it on and then sit down and wait for it to end because it hasn't occured to them to do something else while it's going??

"OK, supper's cooking. Now I'll just stand here and watch it because my kids are comatose and certainly don't need anything from me. I finished the laundry today by spending 2 hours straight in the laundry room this morning. Gosh, I wish I could've picked up the house, too, but, you know, the washing machine was turned on. I just turn on the TV and tell the kids not to move on laundry day."

(later)

"Oh honey, could you help me clear the dishes?"
"No, sweetie, I just turned on the water in the sink and I'll just get too confused if I do anything besides watching it run because I'm an idiot, too."

Also in this month's issue is the Top 10 Skills to Teach Your Children This Summer (because "it's important that their brains don't turn to mush while school's out" - perhaps we should add an "intro to physiology & anatomy" class to all the following...their words are bold, mine are regular):

1. CPR

Now, not a horrible idea for older kids, but I had to laugh at the idea of teaching A. to do CPR and then trying to keep him from practicing on Ben. I'd never get the laundry done!

2. Better Time management

How and what we spend our time on determines our success and failure in this life and the Next.

OK, so here's the first hint of the site's Christian bent. I didn't know that time management determines our chances of a better seat in heaven until I c&p'd this paragraph, but I guess that's even more reason to do something while the washing machine's going.

3. Cooking

Both boys and girls should know how to boil and fry an egg, make macaroni and cheese, and bake a pizza safely.

Both boys and girls? How progressive.

4. Sewing

This is a great money saving skill to learn. Knowing how to sew a button and mend is the minimum kids should learn. Beyond that, they can design and make their own clothes if they're really eager, or even household items like curtains, slipcovers, etc.

Kids! You Can Be Your Own Sweatshop!


5. Writing a letter to the editor

This teaches assertiveness, clarity in thought, and basic writing skills all in one. All it requires is being able to write simple English. Find an article that your child feels strongly about in the local newspaper. Discuss it first, then put your thoughts down on paper. Then help him or her compose a letter to the editor and send it off. If it gets published, post it up on the fridge!

I take it you have to get your kid to read the newspaper first, yeah?


6. Writing a business letter

Teaching your child how to write a business letter is simple, and your son or daughter will thank you for it once he or she reaches college and the workplace.

Dear Thomas,

Why are You and Your Friends so damn expensive? I have to sew all our slipcovers and curtains just so we can afford you guys.

Sincerely,

A.


7. Swimming

To protect our children, we need to teach our children how to swim. It is not only great exercise and fun, but it could also save your life. Check out your local park district or gym for lessons.

They teach swimming? In the summer? Who knew?


8. Managing money

Help your kids avoid problems like debt, impulsive shopping, and overspending by teaching them money management skills this summer. If you already don't, start giving your child a weekly allowance. Then, help him or her draft a budget of how to spend and save. Also, make sure they give to charity.

90% to Thomas and His Friends. 10% to poor children whose parents make them sew the curtains.


9. Keeping house: This means overseeing the efficient functioning of your home. Make your older children in charge of managing meals, getting laundry done, mowing the lawn, and keeping the place clean for one week.

OK, A., stop sewing and take over the house for a week.

10. Volunteering for a cause: Giving and not receiving any monetary return is a skill critical in our increasingly materialistic culture.

Oh yeah, parents don't know anything about this.

Actually, I thought the best things about this list were, first of all, the idea that you could teach your kids all this stuff in one summer; and second, the idea that all you have to do is teach time and money management and your kids would listen. A.'s only 3 and already I see how well that's going to work.