CHECK!

Well, since none of you commented on my lower posts (no guilt tripping, though. Not even for my family members who don't comment and you know who you are), I thought for sure I wouldn't get on Alltop. But I did! Maybe 'cause I admitted to a long-ago crush on Guy Kawasaki. Anyway, yay. That's done.

In other news:

I really, really didn't think I'd become one of those mothers - you know, the ones derided by mommy-blogger critics. Yep, the ones obsessed with their child's bowel movements.

Ben is now going on a full week with no action down under. He's got the leakage, etc., we've been doing the Miralax and it's getting really, really old. The worst part is that for half a week before a poop, he's clingy and whiney. It's "carry me up!" all the goddamn time.

Years back, when I was a novice child therapist, I had a mom whose 9-year-old had impacted bowels. She'd get so frustrated with him for not pooping that she put her hand through the glass on the bathroom window in front of him. She also wrapped her hands around his neck and choked him while he was on the toilet. Gosh, and he was afraid to go? What a surprise.

The pediatrician kept telling her to perform enemas on him, and he felt so invaded. I was frustrated and tried talking to the doctor but he was having none of it. He was an old, well-respected pediatrician in the area and didn't really care about the kid's psychological trauma from the enemas.

Anyway, I reported the incidents to CPS and they, predictably, dropped out of treatment.

I still think it was abuse, but I'm beginning to understand the mother's frustration in a different way. Tonight, I did everything in my power to get Ben to poop. Hot drinks, tummy massages, hot bath, fruit, exercise. And...nothing, except whining and clinginess. I got so frustrated I refused to pick him up and I snapped at A. and told him he lost his crafty after-bed privileges and had to stay in his bed,without getting out, forever.

I feel so badly for Ben. He must be so uncomfortable. But dude, if Mama tells you to try something to help you poop, TRY IT. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't, but you won't be any worse off. Please, please please. Push it out before it becomes a rock.

Oh, he's gonna love reading this when he's older. Buddy, payback is a bitch, huh?

In even more unrelated news:

The Dancing With the Stars April Fools thing is pretty freakin funny.

Kylie Minogue is hot. And she's older than I am.

I couldn't think of any April Fools jokes. A fellow blogger took mine. I'm not going to tell you which one because I may try it again next year.