Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sad Cheese, Happy Cheese

The toga was quite cute, if I do say so myself. That ring was a crown of leaves. Looked better from the back.

So - news flash: kindergarten promotion ceremonies are incredibly schmaltzy.

You always remember your first kindergarten promotion. Actually, we probably won't, but that's OK because we have 45 minutes of tape to review if we forget.

I realize most of you have been through this many times before. G. could only leave work for about an hour and half, so he asked Teacher when the highlights were. She said the first 45 minutes are the best time - "when everyone cries." So he rescheduled his group and dutifully showed up at the beginning, because this is our first.

Ai yi yi. So first the kids had to each take a turn standing on the stage in front of everyone and saying, "My name is ____. My favorite job in the kindergarten classroom is ___________. When I grow up I want to be a __________." A. wanted to be a paleontologist, and he was the only one whose favorite job was map making. I was so proud!

Then we got a lecture from Teacher about how kids today don't know what they want to be when they grow up, and then go through three majors in college and end up doing something totally different and there goes a waste of an education. G. is a psychotherapist and majored in finance, and I'm not sure he realizes his education was a waste. Now he knows.

Then we got a lecture from Teacher about how parents don't play with their kids outside anymore, let them play too many video games, work so many jobs to provide for their future when the kids really need them to spend time with them, etc. She held up a picture of a parent playing with a kid, except the parent was cut out, to illustrate her point.

Then we got a lecture about how the children are our future (Cue music. Literally.) and each kid held up a magazine photo of something sad. Then they walked slowly, with sad, sad faces around the audience. Several times.

As he passed, I hissed at A. "What is your picture of?" It looked like, maybe, a moonscape? Some rocks? He shrugged, "I don't know." But whatever it was, it was very, very sad.

Then they did the entire thing again with happy things, while "What a Beautiful World" played. I thought, "Wow. I couldn't have made this more cheesy if I tried. "

But then they did the twist, the macarena, the chicken dance, and some kind of slide dance. That was cute. In fact, that was more likely to get me teary than schmaltzy gook about the state of today's children, who looked just fine up there in their ancestral garb. Apparently some of the kids are descended from all-night diner waitresses.

They recited A.A. Milne's "The End," and got their certificates. ("Lots of schools do kindergarten graduations, but I think graduation is when you finish at Stanford, so this is not a graduation." Stanfurd???? I knew she was putting bad thoughts into my child's head.)

In honor of Teacher, we came home and collapsed in front of the TV. A. said he was exhausted from all that dancing. I told him to watch his movie and not get up until September.


ScrappinMichele said...

now that is some ceremony. I'm shocked they lectured you. What a way to lead them into 1st grade....'we think you've done a crappy job so far, so we need to lecture you on how to raise your kids" fun fun!!

brandii said...
That Teacher sounds like a piece of work.
There should be an understood word-of-mouth piece of advice whispered from kindy graduation to kindy graduation.

A nugget of wisdom if you will.

Except it's for the parents, regarding the ceremony.

Leave your tissues at home and bring a flask.

aiy aiy aiy

Lunasea said...

I really could have used that advice yesterday, Brandii.

Yeah, the teacher is quite the lecturer. She says it all in a light, conversational, Indian-accented voice, so you don't realize at first you're being lectured. But then you're like, "Wow - what is my kid telling her about our home life? That I never play with him? That he does video games for hours on end?" You want to pull out the photos as evidence that you DO spend quality time with the kid.

Sarah O. said...

What a funny post! Freaking brilliant.

Gad. If my kids had kindergarten graduations, I've wiped my mind clear of them.

I do remember my daughter's preschool graduation, especially the part where the kids proudly sang "Can You Feel the Love Tonight". Schmaltzy, yes, but Emily ADORED The Lion King so it worked for me.

Stanfurd? I'd KILL to get Emily in to Stanfurd. Seriously, that's what I'd have to do. But I'd settle for Berkeley. She might be able to get into Berkeley if I broke the Admissions Officer's knees. And thumbs. And if she had a 4.5 GPA and was Student Government President, state Youth Volunteer of the Year and did something besides watch TV.

Hey, there's always kommunity kollege.

Sarah O. said...

Oh, I forgot to mention that A's toga is fantastic! And the rubber slave sandals? And the crown of leaves? Fabulous!

The kid's pretty cool, too.

Lunasea said...

Settle for Berkeley????



Do you KNOW who you're talking to????

Kelley said...

how did you not burst into laughter at the sad teacher.

Sarah O. said...

Heh heh on the Berkeley thing. I know you're a Berkeley grad!

But Stanford's campus is just so much prettier.

Lunasea said...

Sarah, you're killing me.

Stanford's campus looks like a huge mudball exploded all over it.

Berkeley, on the other hand, has color, rolling hills and a view of the Golden Gate.

Beastarzmom said...

now now girls, don't make me put my referee shirt on!
(my keyboard left the "r" off of shirt and I had to think a minute before correcting it. That worked pretty much just as well!)

JenK said...

45 minutes? Our graduation ceremony lasted about 20. Of course there weren't any sad, sad moments to fill our time.
I wonder if the teachers know what they are missing?

Sarah O. said...

I happen to LIKE mudballs. And I dislike sidewalks so steep they really should be staircases.



Lunasea said...

Fine. You go on with your Stanfurd-loving self. Wear red. See if I care.

WE get well-developed calf muscles. So THERE.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Your kindergarten graduation lasted 4 times longer than my wedding.

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