New look...so what dya think? I'm going to change the pic banner at the top because that's not my belly and I don't have a daughter. But it would take more photo editing time than I have to airbrush the stretch marks off the pics of my real belly. So eventually that will change, but otherwise, I think it's rather nice. My sister says it looks like I'm selling baby products. Thanks very much to Weblog Design for the template.

I did see my clients today. Called in sick to St. Martyr's, which wasn't a huge loss because I only had one kid scheduled. But I did see my 6 clients in a row this afternoon/evening, which, for you non-therapist types, is a huge mental drain to have them all in a row like that. But it went well and I was so glad I went. All my clients on Wed are women or couples, and all are facing similiar issues (essentially: should I leave current relationship or not?), but they're all coming at it from such different angles and are at such different developmental levels that it's really interesting. I really felt like I was working with something bigger than me, you know? G once said he liked being a therapist because it gave him a chance to glimpse the human soul on a daily basis. I've always remembered that because it's so true. I wish I could tell you some of their stories, but that wouldn't be cool. Let's just say that with one couple I work with, the stated goal of one partner this week was to reduce the emission of bodily gasses when in mixed company. I thought, "Usually we deal with communication or intimacy, but OK, you gotta start somewhere."

Well, I'm upright now. And I've stopped harfing. I'm still really tired and weak, and I swear A. has gained 10 lbs in the last 2 days. I don't know whether to work or not tomorrow. I hate that in-between stage where you're not quite as sick as you were, but don't know what's well enough to go back to work - am I being a wuss if I call my clients and cancel? (I would be a poor wuss, that's for sure - 6 clients in a row tomorrow :::poof:::goes the money). Or am I being stupid if I go and, heaven forbid, fall asleep on some poor client?

I love the line by Annie Lamott that goes something like, "My mind is like a bad neighborhood that I should not wander alone." I've convinced myself that this is just the start of some horrible chronic disease, you know, the ones that start "I thought I had the flu," and end with a simpler life and a positive attitude. And although I often spend days alone with A., for some reason doing it these two days, sick, means I have no life and am a pathetic recluse. Watching Wayne Brady while prone on the couch will do that to you. A and I went for a short walk today (next door) and stood outside the neighbor's garage until they came out and talked to us.

But American Idol is on tonight - that will make everything all better.

Oh my goodness. This will be short. I am sooo sick. Had the dry heaves and related intestinal difficulties this morning. Couldn't even keep water down and I was so thirsty I was convinced I was dying. That lasted for about 5 hours, and finally the water started staying down. I'm proud to say I haven't barfed for 6 hours. But, I now have a fever and joint aches - I never get joint aches!! And I got a flu shot! This isn't fair! This isn't want Aidan had - his lasted longer but was much milder. He could actually eat. Do you have any idea how many times food is shown on TV? When your stomach turns every time, you realize it's pretty darn often. OK, enough of this upright business - I gotta go lay down.

Check out what I've been working on:
La la la la lemon (link removed). Cool, eh? It's a free template I found. I have to redo the banner image because that's not my belly and I don't have a daughter. But eventually that template will make its way over here. And I'll put a lemon on there too.

Well, it would be cool if the link were working.

G told me over the phone that he'd found this great chair at St. Vincent de Paul's thrift shop. He said it was sort of an academic chair, like professors use. It has some sort of Latin crest on the back. He's offering it to me to use at my computer, but he really wants it in our waiting room when we have our own offices. I don't think we've decided on the decor of the future waiting room, but apparently Dead Poet's Society is our inspiration.

My voice has gone from lifelong-smoker-sexy to barely a squeak, and A. threw up in the grocery store much to the consternation of the lady handing out free samples (he threw up right after trying one of her free pieces of roast beef - then looked up and said, "More?" Didn't phase him a bit but he made some of the other shoppers gag). G was feeling left out so he's sick too. We had to wash A's sheets because he threw up last night, and so he was napping with us today in our bed, which reminded me why we don't co-sleep. A. seems to think that the only comfortable spot in the bed is the one which I occupy. At one point he had his head on my neck and his feet on G's chest. That's not going to go over so well with your future wife, darlin'. 'Course, I put up with G's nocturnal chats, so I guess love conquers all.

:::Sigh:::: No luck on the A. feeling better front. We've already taken a bath because wipes just don't stand up to his diarrhea. Ick. G. was kind enough to spell me so I could go to the grocery store to get some Pedialyte. He left for work at 1pm and he knew I'd be stuck at home till 10pm with a sick toddler. It's gray outside, which matches my mood. Blegh. Not even any Survivor tonight to look forward to. Excuse me while I take advantage of his nap and crawl under the covers myself.

AI: I was surprised - I was sure it was Desiree.

Survivor: How funny was that fake tribal council? Rob C. made a good Jeff Probst, although I wanted to hit Tom for making fun of Rupert. And Colby's bow-legged walk from his irritated nether-regions was funny too.

West Wing: Favorite line: "I'm saying this as your friend, which I would be if I looked for different things in friends."

I really, really, really hope A. feels better tomorrow. The last two days have been hell. He's been clingy, whiny and wants to be carried around constantly, which was one thing when he weighed 10 lbs and is quite another now that he's over 20 lbs. Tonight he threw up and we don't know why. No fever that we can detect (I'm still not sure I'm doing that ear thermometer thing right).

Hiding My Kid's Books

Am I the only mother who hides her child's books so she doesn't have to read certain ones?

A. has this alphabet book that was cute at first. For the letter "A" there's a picture of an apple, but then you lower the flap and it becomes an angel. Every letter has a picture of something that becomes something else. Some are uninspired - Star and Starfish. Some are clever - an Ice Cream Cone turns into an Iguana. Yeah, the first 50 times, maybe. But the alphabet is only so interesting - this book ends with numbers, but I say "The END!!!" before we get there and so far A. hasn't noticed. But now it is somehow shoved under A.'s crib.

"Snowman's Party" bugs me too - it's a very short pop-up one that A. loves. Maybe it's because Santa's head got torn off along with Snowman's arm long ago and I think it's macabre. Here's Santa getting some new socks and he doesn't even have a head. I suppose the Snowman's fate is even worse - in horrible irony, he gets new mittens.

Rainbow Fish is OK, especially since we got the abridged version (I always end it with, "..and the moral is, you can buy your friends.")

I'm Ready for My Close-Up

We need someone to replace Martha Stewart. Obviously, her image no longer quite fits with chickens, flowers and clean linens. So Omnimedia needs to replace her, and quickly. I am volunteering for the job. No, I don't have quite the perfectionistic streak Martha had, but isn't that a Good Thing? There's no chance of insider trading, or really any dirty laundry with me, and I could appeal to that sort of Everywoman who wants to be Martha but has kids and a life. I know nothing about chickens, but I suppose I could learn for the sake of the show. I love clean linens, and I'm good about learning how to cook things. My intake skills would come into play when I asked just the right questions of guests, and I'd actually be able to relate to the kids when they come on the show (wasn't that painful to watch?). I think I'd be a perfect replacement - likable, but not too much like Martha. They can't hire another ice queen - it just wouldn't work. So I'm waiting for my call.

Here's a St. Patrick's Day joke courtesy of my father:
As it were, an Irish woman "of a certain age", visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?", asks the doctor. "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went." It wasn't a week later when she rang up the doctor, who directly inquired as to her husband's progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible, Doctor." "Really? What happened?", asked the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, didn't I? The effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!" "Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?" "No, no, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years. But I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

Yes, my father sends me dirty jokes. Doesn't yours? Spell check wanted me to replace Viagra with vigor. :::snicker::::

Alias: OK, I'm just getting annoyed now. Why does a U.S. senator's daughter have a British accent? And I think they should lay off Dixon. Enough trauma for the poor guy. And how did Sydney snag those scrubs for the lab when she'd been in a silver jumpsuit just moments before? And WTH was that thing around the Rambaldi box? It always stretched reality before, but now it's getting silly.

Funny satire about The Wiggle's demons

And you gotta read the comments section, too

Sore Throats

Ya know what I hate? Sore throats. I hate sore throats. They make you feel all sick even if you have no other symptoms. G offered to take A tomorrow all day, and I don't want to waste all my freedom in bed. So, go away sore throat! You're not welcome here!

BTW, the talk went fine, to all 13 people there. Such an active Parent's Club and *so* worth my time (heavy sarcasm alert). The leader actually has a gavel and a copy of "Robert's Rules of Order" next to her. She scared me. But it went well, they listened (I think) and at the end a woman said that at her son's preschool the stuff I'd been talking about had been tried and the results were amazing - so that was a nice testimonial. I'm glad it's over, though. It made me start wondering if I'd go to A's Parent's Club meetings when he's in school. I think I would, if only because I hate to miss out on stuff.

There was an announcement in St. Martyr's bulletin: "We've noticed that some children are wearing the uniform walking shorts to school. Please note in the handbook that shorts are only allowed after March 29th!" Never mind that it's been in the 90's here for the last couple weeks. We need order here, people! You start breaking rules and it only leads to anarchy! Children will start thinking they can wear shorts on hot days without church approval! People start marrying their dogs! Our country was built by men who didn't wear shorts!

Top o' the Mornin'

Happy St.
Patrick's Day!!

Greg took over our annual all-green dinner tonight since I had to work. Spinach pasta with pesto, shrimp, artichoke hearts and asparagus. No beer, though - ai yi yi. G's obviously not Irish. Don't tell my people that I didn't pull a pint tonight.

The meeting with the mom at school went fine. I was silly to be anxious about it. I'm so glad today is over. Now I've just got my talk to the Parent's Club tomorrow and I'm home free!

Survivor: Lex, Lex, Lex. Yeah, sure, buddy, no hard feelings. He'd better hope the merge is soon because he now has the sorriest tribe ever. Lex, Kathy, Jerri and ShiAnn...yep, lots of challenges to be won there.

American Idol: No surprise - she was awful. I missed the first part because of Survivor. Did they all sing together? I love it when they all sing together. Does this group seem awfully young or is it just me?

Apprentice: So Ereka and Omarosa want talk shows? What on earth have they done to deserve a talk show? The least they could do is pose for Playboy first.

Alias: AAAAARRRRGH!! Here I was all impressed that they were finally showing a shrink with ethics, and the very following week she shows up in Sloan's bed!! You lose your license for that, idiots! No wonder people are threatened by the thought of therapy - they assume we all want to jump in the sack with our clients. Ggggrrrrrr. (Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sure your shrink does in fact want to sleep with you. I'm sure you're his/her favorite client. It's just all these other ones....)

Ah, geez. I forgot to mention that I turned my ankle taking out the garbage tonight and fell. Skinned knees are much worse when you're 38 than they were when you were 8. Took me a full 3 minutes to get back up. Fortunately it was dark and I was alone. Oooh, I just checked and it's bleeding. Moooommmmy!!

Ya know what I hate? Parents. I hate parents. I've gotta meet with Queen of the Bitches on Wednesday morning at St. Martyr's and I just have a feeling she's gonna yell at me because I haven't cured her little princess' insecurity yet. She's insecure because she's the daughter of a Queen Bitch, sweetie. And the worst thing is, I'm all stressed out over this meeting and it's only MONDAY! My assessment period with this 5th grader (who is actually very sweet...too sweet, if you know what I mean) is over and I have to tell the mother my conclusions. This is the same woman who cussed out the school secretary because I'd called her at 9:00pm the night before to cancel an early morning appointment with her because I had strep throat and very possibly SCARLET FEVER!! Excuse me, most people like to know the night before an early morning appt. that it has to be canceled. The principal and the secretary told me "she's just like that." Well, she shouldn't be. She tells me, "You know, this is awfully expensive!" I tell her it's much cheaper than private practice, and she snarls, "I wasn't comparing it to private practice." Well, WTF Are you comparing it to, then? $22.50 per half hour is less than my lowest office fee, darlin'. I don't get paid enough for this crap. This is actually why I stopped working with kids in the first place - the parents make me crazy. And you know what? It might go fine. She was actually OK at the end of our last meeting, so I suppose I shouldn't be freaking out. AND, I've gotta give a talk to the St. Martyr's Parents Club on Thursday night, and genius me forgot to ask if they intended to pay for my time (I'm an independent contractor with them - the parents pay the school for the counseling sessions). What happened to my champagne and sunshine from yesterday, huh?

(Cue New Age Music): This Week's Affirmation: I DO TOO know what I'm doing, damnit.

There is absolutely nothing better than sitting in the Napa Valley sunshine, sipping champagne and watching your husband and son play on the lawn.


Nothing better.

I Think I Put Jesus in the Recycling Bin

In today's mail: "Dear Someone Connected with This Address.....GOD'S HOLY BLESSING IS IN THE ENCLOSED ANOINTED PRAYER RUG WE ARE LOANING YOU TO USE!!!....You, or someone connected with this address, and another dear family are about to be blessed through this unusual, Bible Faith, Church, Prayer Rug (sic), which we are placing in your care for these next 24 important hours. WE FEEL THAT SOMETHING VERY WONDERFUL IS TRYING TO COME TO YOU. Go into a room where you can be alone (just God and you). Turn off the television or radio and try to be by yourself when you kneel on this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug, or spread it over Your Knees. We want this Church Ministry, Prayer Rug to be touching both of your knees.

...Then in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church's chapel prayer room, in faith. You must get this Bible Prayer Rug back to us so we can rush it to another family that's in need of blessing. Do this without fail. Please, do not break this flowing of power between us....These next 24 important hours are crucial to you. Timing is important to God...slide it under your side of your bed for tonight. Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees.

...Notice the face of Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug. When you first look you will notice that His eyes are closed. If you relax and continue looking straight into His eyes, you will see His eyes slowly opening and he will begin looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs.

....SAINT MATTHEW'S CHURCH MUST HAVE THIS PRAYER RUG BACK. PLEASE DO NOT MISPLACE IT. IT MUST GO TO ANOTHER HOME AFTER YOU USE IT."

And there's a postage paid envelope, too. I can't figure out their game. There is a small line where you check off your needs ("A New Car....A Closer Walk With Jesus....Confusion in My Home," etc.) that suggests a seed gift to God's work, but nowhere else does it suggest a donation. It also doesn't ask for my name or address. They just want the "rug" back. The Bible Faith Church Prayer Rug is a piece of paper, and it doesn't look like anyone's put both their knees on it, so I don't think I'm getting a used prayer rug. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me just doesn't feel right putting the Holy Spirit Bible Prayer Rug in the recycling bin. And I certainly wouldn't want to break the flowing of power between St. Matthew's and Someone Connected with This Address. What to do, what to do.....

Remember..."Timing is important to God." (OK, God, not that I'm telling you what to do, but it might be about Time to resolve that whole Middle East thing.....)

The Squeaky Weasel Gets the Grease New blog linked by my friend and yours, Drama Queen o' the Links.

I love sarcastic moms.

Men in the Kitchen

G went to add some canned chicken to the dish he was making (his mom's Chinese Chicken Casserole), and looked at the label more closely. He'd bought "Chicken of the Sea," thinking it was canned chicken. Jessica Simpson doesn't need to feel so bad now. So he made Chinese Tuna Casserole instead. (Honestly, it still sucked).

Where Is My Gay Apocalypse? / Over 3,500 gay marriages and, what, no hellfire? I was promised hellfire. And riots. What gives? Drama Queen forwards this missive (which I should have found, given that I do live 20 miles from the City of the Damned). I'm also still waiting for the institution of heterosexual marriage to collapse. I expect my female friends to start asking me to marry them any day now. Or, maybe G will take a few more wives. Hey, am I even still married? As far as I can tell none of my straight friends have cancelled their summer weddings yet, meaning I still have to buy a present. Sigh. Maybe, just maybe, letting people in love marry won't ruin society.

Adventures in Channel Surfing

1. American Idol: I'm so glad the Hobbit won. I was rooting for him just because I think he'll be fun to watch.

2. You can always find "Sister Act" on some channel, somewhere.

3. The Lite Brite behind Larry King and his guests always distracts me. What are they trying to make? The clown? The butterfly? Oooohhhhh, it's the continents! Guess I didn't get that pattern in my kit.

4. Josh Groban was on PBS tonight, singing on the top of a staircase. G says, "I thought he was blind! He's awfully near the edge of those stairs!" He'd gotten him mixed up with Andrea Bocelli and was afraid he was going to fall down the stairs. HAHAHA! Putting a blind opera singer at the top of the stairs! Perfect entertainment.

A few random questions as I sit here frosting my hair: Does anyone actually do the test strand? Why do they put little strings on the frosting cap so you can tie it under your chin? As anyone who's done this knows - once you get those hair strands coming through the little holes, that cap ain't going nowhere. G helped me do the back and said I reminded him of of Baby Face in Toy Story . He also said he's going to have nightmares after this.

Job dilemma: I was offered a 20-hr/wk position at CaPS. It would be $30/hr plus benefits would cost about $14 a month. We currently pay about $500 a month for benefits. If I took it, I would get post-doc hours (which I need if I'm ever going to get the psychologist license - right now I'm working under a MFT license). I would also have a set schedule, low stress, I'd get paid whether clients showed up or not, and I'd still supervise some interns.

However, I also would have to close my private practice. This would mean saying goodbye to some clients with whom I've worked for almost 7 years. I'd lose freedom and autonomy (redundant?), which are very important to me. I would have to take vacation when school is out.

If I didn't take the job and did mainly private practice, I'd lose security and paid benefits, but I'd average $60/hr, I'd have the flexibility to take time off when I choose. I'd make my own hours. I'd work less. I'd have to wait for post-doc hours or just give that up entirely.

When I asked Boss if in the future there'd be a chance to increase my hours and get benefits, I didn't expect him to actually DO it. I mean, this is the public university system in California, for goodness' sake. California, the sunny bankrupt state. The last round of negotiations involved me saying, well, if you can't cover my benefits for the whole year, forget it. They wanted to just pay for benefits during the academic year, when I'd be working, and pay $800/month for them over the summer, when I wouldn't be working. Apparently only full professors get that kind of arrangement. I thought, great, no chance he'll be able to swing that - decision made. Phooey. He came back with a proposal to work 20 hrs/wk all year, including the summer (which is unheard of - to have guaranteed hours over the summer)....and get full benefits. Thanks a lot, bud. On the one hand, it's nice to be wanted, on the other, I'm not looking forward to telling him, "Hey, thanks for all that work you did getting me a position, but no thanks." Yeah, I think I'm leaning toward private practice. I've never made a career decision based on money, but now my priorities are different. We need me to work, but we want to avoid daycare. So I need to make as much money in as little time as possible.

Today is a day for celebration. The Fan has returned! It has been a long, dark winter without the ceiling fan in our breakfast area. A. has loved fans since his eyes could focus, and is now very relieved. Apparently he made an arrangement with God to only come to a house with a ceiling fan, and we weren't living up to our end of the bargain. We got a new one at Expo, and all is right with the world once again.

So I was supposed to meet TL at Lake Merritt today, but she didn't show. It's the second time she's forgotten - should I take it personally? It's also entirely possible that I got the date and time wrong. I'm a space case lately. So A and I went to Fairyland. What a trip. First off, it's overpriced - $6 for everyone, including babies. It's really just a big playground. A's favorite thing was the leprechaun blowing bubbles on top of a large toadstool. Well. I could've done the same thing at home for much cheaper. I'd even sit on a mushroom for him if he wanted.

Then we met up with Papa and went to Bay Street in Emeryville. It's an urban, upscale, outdoors mall that gets very cold when the sun goes down. While waiting for dinner at CPK on the upper level, I saw two couples standing talking, apparently waiting for their table as well. They had 3 little boys between them, one A's age. He was a scaredy-cat, because every time A approached him to say hi, he ran and hid in his mom's legs (who paid absolutely no attention to him - I started to think he wasn't hers). Granted, A's approach involves running, flailing his arms and screeching, but he was just trying to say "Hi - you're as small as me!" The other two were older. The couples were talking at the top of the staircase that goes down to the shops. Now maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm overprotective, but if I had 3 rambunctious boys, I wouldn't park myself at the top of a concrete staircase. Especially when there was a huge unused square space between the stairs and the restaurant that A was having a grand time running around in. One of the little fellas was especially accident prone and didn't have terribly good judgment. After watching the other two boys run headfirst into the wall and then turn crying to their mamas, he did the exact same thing (and ran away crying). I was afraid A was going to do it too after watching them, but he ran to the wall and stopped just short. (He's SO much smarter). Then little boy tried to do some trick on the banister and fell on his head on a step. One of the women yelled at her husband, "GO GET HIM!" and he snarled back, "I'm trying!" but little Blondie was fastened to his leg. So he shook Blondie off and went to pick up Clutzy. They still didn't move from the top of the staircase. I thought it was strange. Especially since people were coming up and going down the staircase.

Went to John Kerry's rally at the Teamsters last week. We were very very lucky - it was a huge crowd in line and a campaign worker came by and pulled all the families with babies and let us in! I'd say about an eighth of the whole crowd got in. The rest were outside fogging up the windows as they tried to see him. WTG, Aidan! I knew we had him for a reason. The bummer, though, was that my digital camera was still fried and I didn't get any photos - we were about 20 people away from him. All I could think about was what a great scrapbook page it would have made for A's 2nd year.

Swim lessons went better this morning. A. complained a little at first, but I found a dolphin that squirts water and that was hecka fun. He had a death grip on me the entire time, although the water barely comes up to his belly if he stands up. Curiously, he enjoys the big pool much better than the little pool. I guess he knows I won't let go of him in the big pool. He actually kicked a little, and got all googly-eyed at our teenage instructor when she complemented him on his form.

My subconscious mind is driven by:


Okay. I'll buy that. I also have a 131 IQ, which seems to have gone down. When I was tested in high school, I distinctly remember testing at 145. Doesn't surprise me. The whole Ph.D. thing made me way stupider.

Test Yourself Here.

Reality Show Update:

The Apprentice: FINALLY!! Geez, Donald, took you long enough. Nothing against Omarosa - in a particular type of setting, she'd do fine. She's smart, but she's not very good with people.

Survivor: Hate to be a cynic, but at first I really thought Sue was thinking, "Hey, no one here's gonna let me win a million dollars; but I can use this as a ticket to some food and a hot shower, and get paid to boot!" After watching her on CBS whatever-that-show-is with Harry Smith, I decided differently. However, I suspect she has some abuse in her past to be so brutalized by Dickie's dick. More Lex this week - yee haw!

Eden: Yawn. A reality show with no end and no one understands what the game is? This is just a reworked Paradise Hotel. Boring young beautiful people, lots to drink, and a green apple. Yippee.

Food update: I'm at my heaviest weight ever (besides the last trimester, and even then I'm a bit too close to that weight for comfort). I think I have to go low carb. I hate to give up my corn flakes and toast, but something's gotta change. My belly is hanging so low it's hard to shave before swim classes. That's just not right. And besides, if we're gonna go for Lil Uechedo #2 this year, I'd like to start off not looking pregnant already.