And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going

There are a lot of digital scrapbook designers. Most sell their stuff on a personal website or an on-line store, and most do some marketing to bring people their website.

There's one, who shall remain nameless and linkless, who doesn't market. In fact, you have to apply for membership even to see her stuff. If you do get in, you have to comment or somehow participate (or buy) every time you visit in order to keep being admitted.

Her stuff is really well done and very unique. So I bought some kits, shared a few layouts, contributed to a few threads on the message board, and praised some layouts. In fact, I tried to only visit the site when I knew I'd have time to comment. People in general were very nice. I really liked her kits, but they were on the pricey side (for a ton of stuff, though, and well done - not overpriced), so I was looking forward to buying some more Christmas stuff when I had a little extra cash.

It now appears I've been thrown out. I can't log in and no one is responding to my e-mails. I think the owner (or her cousin) only respond if they're going to let you back in. If you're out, you're just thrown out into the ether. And it's bugging me no end.

For one thing, I uploaded layouts of my kids on the website. I know, I made that choice, but now I don't even know if they're still there. It annoys me that I can't get to them. In my last e-mail, I asked that if I wasn't allowed back in, that they at least take the layouts down. But I'll never know if they even received my request, BECAUSE NO ONE RESPONDS!!

I think that's what bugs me the most. No response. Nada. That makes me crazy. I admit my reaction is a little over-the-top. I mean, her stuff is good but there are other good designers and I certainly can find other kits I like. It's not like I went there every day, and I was just beginning to know some of the regulars, so I wasn't a fixture or a vital part of the community or anything.

Being shut out, however, of course makes me desperate to get back in. It feels like I'm back in the 4th grade and new student Lori came in and out of the blue told my two best friends, Debbie and Lynn, not to play with me anymore and to play with her instead. They listened to her for a while and then their backbones returned, but that was the longest month of my life. In fact, it seems in my memory to have gone on a lot longer than a month. It may have only been a week, for all I know.

It also reminds me of college, when I went to Hawaii with a friend. Being all co-dependent and stuff back then, I paid for her ticket with the understanding that she would pay me back when we returned. You know where this is going. A few years later, still making promises of repayment, she'd dropped out of our circle of friends, and I was newly laid-off. So I wrote to her at her parents' house and asked her to contact me regarding the money she owed me.

Nothing.

I wrote again. I even said, "Hey, if you can't pay me back right now, just TELL ME." Nothing.

I was incensed. Not so much that she wasn't paying me back, because I knew she probably didn't have an extra $750 laying around to give me. It was being ignored, like I wasn't even worth acknowledging, that drove me crazy. I wrote her a couple more letters, each one a bit more serious, and finally sued her in small claims court. I remember the feeling behind it - it wasn't "You owe me money, babe," it was, "I will NOT be ignored, damnit." (Her mother ended up writing me a check the day before the court date, which made me feel a little bad, but not too much).

So now it appears I've been shut out of this exclusive little club, and I'm mad. They have every right to make their decisions, of course, but am I not worth even an acknowledgment? Not even a, "Sorry, but you didn't come often enough. We've taken down your layouts."

It pushes my buttons. And I know I have to let it go, because really, what's the point? It's a website, for goodness sake. There are bigger, far more important things in my life. So why does it bug me so much?