Tuesday, November 20, 2007

In Which Santa Discusses Death and Genetics

For no good reason, I was exhausted this afternoon so I had to get the boys out of the house or I'd fall asleep. We returned some library books, then went to visit Santa at the mall. A. was still in his uniform and Ben wasn't dressed up but I figured it would probably be slow and the boys could get used to talking to Santa before we go for the real pictures.

Santa has been OK at this mall before, but they hired a new one this year. His beard is real, which earns him some street cred, but otherwise, he's pretty sketchy. I don't know what I'd expect from a mall that has this sign in the food court (scroll down). He looked a little drunk. It was also pet night with Santa, so we followed two dogs dressed in Santa hats. Since we weren't taking pictures, I went up and kneeled in front while the boys stood next to Santa.

He was very, um, jolly. Some of his better lines:

"I bet you're from Hoboken with that hair! Are you from Hoboken?"

"You know, eventually your hair will be white like Santa's. By that time your mom will be over the rainbow bridge." Great. Next time we visit Santa, A.'s going to be pleading, "Please, Santa, don't let my mom die." And besides, isn't that where pets go?

"Kids like you today have the E gene. Do you know what that stands for? Electronics."

After Ben told him he wanted Little Einstein's toys: "You want a bagel? Oh, I thought you wanted a bagel, because Einstein makes bagels. Did you know that?"

I came home and researched the heretofore unknown Einstein/bagel link. We don't have them here in Northern California, so that was quite random to me. I was thinking Einstein invented bagels or something and wondering how I could have missed that piece of trivia.

Pretty much everything he said was random to the boys, though, and I quickly explained that wasn't the real Santa, because the real Santa doesn't say such weird things. That was Santa's brother. He has lots of brothers who take the jobs at the malls and look just like him, and who take the kid's lists back to him at the North Pole. The idea of a brother saying weird things made perfect sense to them.

And because it was pet day, everytime he hugged A. (I think he was glad to see some visitors without 4 legs), A. got dog hair all over his face and walked away sneezing. Poor guy.

Tomorrow: A.'s Very Special Pumpkin Pie Recipe


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