The Photographer as a Young Man

A friend gave Ben a Fisher Price digital camera for his birthday. He was thrilled. Taking pictures is OK, but the best part is the review buttons. Every time I take his picture with my camera, he yells, "Lemme see! Lemme see!" and sometimes he's not fast enough and I'm too impatient to flip back to it ("I'll show you later! Get back there and smile!"). So now he takes pictures just so he can push the arrows and see them again and again and again.

We did get lots of feet pictures, lots of floor pictures and one of me providing a nice large pillow for A. to snuggle.

Catholic Logic

There's been a push for a while to replace masculine language with non-gender-specific language in the Catholic Mass. It throws me off sometimes because I say the prayers in mass by rote, as I learned them in Catholic School, and when they've gone and changed the words it makes my sporadic attendance obvious.

Anyway, one recent change in North America was for the priest to say at baptisms, "I baptize you in the name of the Creator, Liberator and Sustainer," instead of "I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." They were trying to get away from masculine language.

Oh no no no. Pope says you can't say that. The new phrase doesn't emphasize the trinity enough, and after all, the whole trinity thing is what separates us from other Christians.

Fine. Words matter. BUT....not only do we have to change the words back to the original....every baptism that was performed using the renegade phrase is INVALID and needs to be re-performed. And, of course, if you have an invalid baptism, any other sacraments that came afterward, like, say, marriage, would be invalid too.

Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Give me a break. It's like the Pope is stomping his feet, yelling, "You wanna go and do your own thing? Well, ha ha, none of those baptisms count! You have to do 'em all over! :P~~~~!"

This is what makes me crazy about the Vatican. Do they really think that God is keeping a list of what phrase was used? Are they going to withhold Holy Communion because someone may have an invalid baptismal sacrament? Am I going to organize a re-baptism for my sons because I don't remember which phrase was used? We had a ceremony, the babies were anointed and welcomed into the church, that's what happened and that was the point.

This is all about a church being authoritarian and concerned with earthly power. They're afraid that if they say, "Naw, you don't have to re-baptize everyone," that could subvert the idea that they are all powerful and always right about everything. Arrrgh. C'mon guys, this is why people think Catholics are crazy.

Chocolate-covered holy wafers to anyone who reads this rant. But only if you've been baptized correctly.

ETA: Oh, and by the way, those who get re-baptized are dammed anyway because they get water sprinkled on them instead of a full bath. Bummer.

Oh, BTW, no leprechauns were caught yesterday. But Larry Leprechaun took A.'s money and left a note saying, "Better luck next time, lads."

Mama's All-Green Buffet

So we had the All-Green Buffet last night.


The menu included: tilapia with chermoula, spinach fettucine with pesto, green salad, Chinese Broccoli salad, and lime jello. I pride myself on not just adding food coloring to mashed potatoes. In fact, although I admit the green of the lime jello was probably artificial (you think?), our own little bottle of food coloring never left the cabinet. For appetizers we served guacamole, green grapes, olives and celery. All green, all evening.

Ben beamed like a little star when everyone sang happy birthday to him. At the end of the night he said, "I had a good birthday and now I'm going to sleep."

I was glad we didn't have to cancel.

Tonight A. set his leprechaun trap and has high hopes. He baited it with his own money. "We can be the first people ever to catch a leprechaun and we'll get our wishes granted and we'll be famous!"

Now if he'd just go to sleep so I can turn the milk green. Gotta get out the food coloring for that, I guess.

And, to finish off, I gave away CDs of Irish Music, which ended with Denis Leary's Traditional Irish Folk Song. Here's an interpretation from YouTube:

Thought of Something

Today I dragged myself over to A's school for our second parent-teacher conference. G. met me from work.


Teacher: You know, I just love the "Feeling Days" you have at home that he tells me about! He talks about them all the time!

Us: ????

Teacher: You do have "Feeling Days" at home, like he says? Where you all get to talk about your feelings?

Us: Um, no. We have no idea what he's talking about.


We finally realized he was probably referring to the times when G or I get home from work, Ben is asleep and A. can tell us all about his day without interruption from his little brother. Don't know how he came up with "feeling days" for that, but whatever.

We also got feedback on how's he's performing a certain bodily function that I won't go into here to save him future embarrassment, but let's just say I never realized they evaluated kindergartners on that, too.

Still Alive, Barely

Yes, I'm still alive. Barely. I'm upright, clothed, sort-of showered, even. I even went grocery shopping today for the party, so I'm actually much, much better. But I'm so overwhelmed with how sick I was, that I'm not going to post anything else today because I'll I can think of to talk about is how FREAKIN' SICK I was.

I was really, really sick. Like, I was afraid I was going to end up in the hospital sick.

So I'll post again when I have something else to say. Like "Happy 3rd Birthday, Ben!"

Woah

Dudes. I haven't been this sick since before A. was born. My fever is hovering between 102 and 103 and I can't sleep even with the nice Robitussen with codeine the doc gave me. Doc says I probably got 2-3 viruses back to back, which is why I got a little better and then a whole lot worse. I'm actually thinking of calling an emergency nanny service in the morning because if I'm not better, I ain't going to be taking care of the boys.

Oh, and, not to be left out I guess, G. has a double ear infection. Woo hoo team Lunasea!

We have been visited with the plague upon our house. No one escaped, although G. and A. got hit less severely than Ben and I.

I'm at that stage of the flu where I don't think I'm ever going to feel better. Ben seems to be less of a moaning lump today, so that gives me hope. I've made all kinds of deals with God - "I promise to eat a macrobiotic diet and take my fish oil capsules and exercise daily if you'll please just make this go away."

We have a party in 5 days - I have to be upright in order to disinfect the house.

BTW, TheraFlu doesn't do a damn thing.

From the House of Sick

Lunasea was first down the runway with an unexpected and dramatic Stomach Flu de Diablo, and she apparently is slated to follow that up with a moderate head cold, but now we hear she is trying to exit the show altogether! We have exclusive video of Lunasea screaming that she has fulfilled her sickness contract for the week with her first appearance and is flat-out refusing to do any more sick time. We'll keep you updated with the latest on the divalicious fight.

G. made his appearance with a moderate, but just-this-side-of-staying-home, head cold. He's showing his trademark body aches and coughing. Nothing out of the ordinary here, but still a solid showing.

A. slid into the show at the last minute, getting sent home with a headache on Monday, but couldn't compete with Lunasea's dramatic, gut-wrenching spotlight. He followed up with the head cold we're seeing so much of this season, but is still working on getting to the head of the pack, illness-wise. Consistency over drama is what we see with this young man.

With a late start, Benjamin has come from behind and taken the lead with a full-blown flu. His semi-high fever blew the rest of the contenders out of the sick bay. Being a relative newcomer, he gets the opportunity to use his youth to his advantage, not only getting up at 4:30am, but forcing the rest of the team up as well. You can bet the team, especially our desperately-trying-to-be-flu-resistant diva, Lunasea, is not happy with this turn of events.

From the Sick Bay

Me: I am so sick.

G: You've got the flu.

Me: No, I don't think so. I'm just throwing up, etc*. And that's gotten better. I think this is like a stomach flu.

G: Well, that's the flu, isn't it?

Me: No, if you have the flu you have a fever, and it lasts a week. I already feel better than I did this morning.

G: Mmmm. OK.

Me: I do have body aches, though. My hip is killing me.

Both of us: TOXIC SYNOVITIS!

Me: Naw, I can walk on it. I took some Aleve and that helped.

G: Throwing up, body aches? I think you have the flu.

Me: Naw, I don't have a fever. I bet I'm better by tomorrow.

A few hours later, I sit here, more or less upright, not throwing up (or otherwise purging my body of every possible ounce of liquid, if you know what I mean). But now I have a fever. I hate it when he's right.

*If you know what I mean.

New Look

So I was thinking it might be easier to read this blog if it only had two columns. So I switched to a two-column template by SuckMyLolly. I chose it because I could keep my own header.

Not sure I like it. I mean, the template itself is cute. I'm just not sure it's me. But then, I tend to be against change of any sort, so I would appreciate your thoughts. I did save my old one so I can always go back to it. I think.

Woke Up, Fell Out of Bed, Dragged a Comb Across My Head

Somewhere I saw a photo challenge suggesting taking "A Day in the Life" pictures on Leap Day 08. Now I can't find where the challenge was - thought it was a group on Flickr but all I see are people leaping on Leap Day. Ah well - I did it anyway and now you can share the joy of my February 29th as I take A. to school, run errands and eat dinner. Woo Hoo. I guess that's kind of the point of "Day in the Life" photo collections, although it made me feel pretty boring.

I'm also at that point where I know my photos aren't "good," but I don't have the skill to make them better yet. It's an annoying place.

Semi-Annual Paper Clip Sale

Is a "Bi-annual" sale held twice a year or every two years?

Anyway, A. decided it was time for another paper clip sale. His first was so successful that his grandmother began smuggling whole packages of paper clips back from Japan and China for him, which he uses as a selling point ("These came all the way from China!"), although really, they're not that different from American paper clips (sorry, Mom).

Our neighbor kindly came over and bought $5 worth of paper clips from him, mostly because I'd paid her son $5 earlier to wash my car. A. really wanted to sell one paper clip for $100, but he's not completely grasping the laws of supply and demand, or for that matter, competitive pricing. The ones on the left are marked $100 each. She talked him down to two for a dollar 'cause she's a shark like that. The lone gold clip is $10, the plastic clips are $50, and the plain silver ones are .25 each.



The best part, though, was when there was a lack of foot traffic and I suggested off-handedly, "Hey, A., you should make one of those big signs like the guys we see on the corner waving the arrows pointing at the new housing development down the street." He took the idea and ran with it, hiring G. as his human directional and showing him which way to point the arrow.

This Child Has Given Up His Nap

And has started waking up every day before 6am. He's really, really lucky he's so cute.

ISO Green Food

Ben's birthday is just 5 days before St. Patrick's Day. Back when G and I were dating, I began the tradition of serving an all-green dinner for the holiday. I chose green food rather than Irish cuisine because, believe it or not, there's more variety and the Irish aren't exactly known for their cooking.

We've had variations on this theme through the years, and this year we're combining an all-green buffet (yum!) with Ben's third birthday. That gives us an excuse to get it all done early, but frees me from having to organize three-year-old party games.

So far, here is the food I've come up with. If you can think of a green food that's not on here that would be suitable for a buffet, PLEASE share.

spinach pasta with pesto
chicken breasts with parsley sauce
lime jello
peas and bacon (or other green vegetable)
creamed spinach
green beans with herb sauce
artichokes

green m&ms
green jelly bellies

Maybe colcannon (with brussel sprouts instead of cabbage to make it greener)
Probably irish soda bread although it's not green. Green bread would be kind of gross.

No corned beef or cabbage.

Of course, Guinness and Irish Coffee. Maybe Irish Flags, but they're tricky to do right.

I might need to rent some of those heated serving dishes, huh? Anyone ever done that?

Toxic Schmoxic

A.'s doing way better. The new doctor yesterday told us that he'd be feeling better very quickly, like, by the hour, and he was right. He also agreed with me that there was no reason he couldn't go to school if he could put weight on his toxic leg. By last night, A. was getting around just fine, unless I pointed out his recovery, which immediately sent him back to limping pathetically.

This morning he was fine, too, until we asked him to walk on it to see the extent of the limp, if any. It was remarkable. The toxic hip is just so sensitive that the second it realizes it's being observed, it stops working. A. suddenly couldn't put any weight on it and fell to the ground twice. "That's some good acting," observed G. So A.'s off to school today, to our relief.

In other news....nope, no other news.

Hoppin' Like the Easter Bunny

At least, I hope he will be soon.

A. has something called toxic synovitis. I've never heard of it, but according to Dr. Google, it's the most common reason for hip pain in kids, especially boys, and it goes away by itself. BUT, and it's a big but, he has to put NO WEIGHT ON HIS LEG for 3-4 days.

This means I (or his father, but I'm whining about me right now) have to carry him anywhere he needs to go, including the bathroom. Thank God we have a one-story house. Not only can he not go to soccer lessons, he can't go to school. He's not supposed to go back to school until he can walk without a limp, according to the real doctor. Frankly I don't see why he can't limp at school.

I've always been grateful that I have reasonably cautious kids. They're not the kids that are on a first-name basis with the staff at Urgent Care because they hurt themselves so often. So what's the deal with joint pain that comes out of nowhere and takes him out of commission? I mean, a little bit of pain, sure, that kind of thing builds character. But having to carry him everywhere for several days? Another reason not to have little kids in your 40's.

Because it was a holiday, there was only one phlebotomist at the lab slooooowly drawing the blood of about 100 patients crowded into a basement that seats about 25. I've been at this lab often and I'd never seen it like this. So with the super-long wait to poke my kid with a needle, and telling me to carry him around for 3-4 days, I'm wondering if this is Major HMO's newest cost-cutting technique. "You want your kid to be seen on a holiday? You sure about that? Might just be easier on everyone if you give him some Motrin and we'll pretend we never had this little chat. Everyone who comes in on the holiday has to visit our one cranky phlebotomist and will be told to carry their child on their backs for the rest of the week. Bwahahahaha."

Why I Am Losing My Mind

A few weeks ago I told G, "I'm really burnt out on the boys. I know you take over often, but it would really be great if you could take them OUT OF THE HOUSE for a few hours and let me be home alone."

So he did that yesterday. It was quite a production - maps were consulted, rations in case of a sudden California blizzard were packed, and he hugged me goodbye with, " OK! Goodbye! Have a good day!" I replied, "OK. See you around lunchtime."

He kept them out for about 5 hours. It was AWESOME. I did exciting things like a workout video (by myself without having to pause every 5 minutes or make sure I don't step on a child), folded laundry (while watching something besides Clifford), emptied the dishwasher (without stopping to referee a fight), and transplanted houseplants (without having to carry two boys on my heads to the bathtub afterwards while trying not to drop dirt on the carpet).

I don't think I realized how often I get interrupted, especially by Mr. High Maintenance, who refuses to do things that he can do by himself, instead only choosing activities that require parental assistance. Or how much energy it takes to just tune them out when they're annoying each other but not getting into a full-fledged fight.

For example, as I typed this entry, here was the conversation in the other part of the room:

A: You have spit on your shirt
B: No I don't.
A: Yes you do.
B: No I don't.

(repeat 20 million times until Ben is yelling)

A: You have spit on your shirt. I can see it.
B: No I don't! My spit is in my mouth!
A: But you have some spit on the back of your shirt.
B: Eat your quesadilla, weave me alone!
A: Ben, why'd you say weave me aloney baby?
B: But weave me alone, you're not weaving me alone! Now weave me alone!
A: But Ben, you don't even know what that means.
B: WEAVE ME ALONE
A: I am, I am!
(thud)
A: Ben just hit me!
Me: Sounds like you deserved it. Leave him alone.
A: I am leaving him alone.
B: No you're not.
A: I am now. (pause, face inches from B's) Duh duh duh.
B: Stop it Aidan! Weave me alone!
A: I am.
B: No you're not. You're still not weaving me alone!
A: Ben, why'd you say you're still not weaving me alone?
B: grrrrr. (this is what he does when he wants to hit but knows he's not supposed to).
(Plate gets knocked down)
B: give me my pia pia back
A: Ben, why'd you say pia pia like a baby?
(giggles all around and next thing I know they're on the floor pretending to be babies).

Boring to the Newborn King

My V-Day present to G was to have our stacks of mini-dv tapes from the last 4 years transferred to DVD. I could have done it myself, but the boys would have been in college by the time I was finished.

So we have 8 DVDs filled with hours upon hours of video. In all those hours, there are some gems. I realize 'tis not the season for Christmas songs, but I have to share this one. This is A's version of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" from 2006. He was 4. The very first second or so is cut off - he starts out singing "Hark the angels herald sing...." I sort-of lied to him after hearing him sing in the car and told him, "Oh, you sing that song SO well. We HAVE to get that on tape."

Eventually I'll put subtitles on it (translating from A-ese to English), but I think he sings pretty clearly. Just be sure to listen for "join the friends, and friends in style."

It's less than 30 seconds. Humor me.

Happy V-Day, Y'All

The boys picked me a bowl of flowers.


They don't give out a "Best Valentine Done By a Parent" at A's school, but if they did, I totally would've won. One kid gave out pedometers because his grandma works at the company that makes them. Hah.


G. made me dangly heart earrings (no pic, sorry). I love that he makes me jewelry. He's currently working on the 5th reincarnation of the mommy bracelet he gave me lo, many years ago. It's broken again, although the bead store lady gave him steel wire that's supposed to not break, ever. When it broke I lost a few letters, and they don't have those letter beads anymore, so A. is now named "Ada."

We made cookies.


On to St. Patrick's Day! A. wants to set up leprechaun traps.

Go Ahead, Make My Day

K. Barteski at iLoveLife has a super-cute little newborn, and she's super creative. I like that she drinks so much coffee, too.

My friend from a long-ago message board, Blue-Eyed Bookworm, loves books, is a hip librarian and is funny. She's a redhead too, which gives her instant points.

f-bomb is one of my fave daddy bloggers. He has a super-cute little newborn too, and, of course, is funny. All these people are funny. If I can, I'll try to find the video of Owen playing poi balls with tampons. Classic stuff.

I've mentioned Jess before. She's my personal book-shopper. She reads more books that I can count.

D. over at Liminal Musings has been a long-time favorite. You know how sometimes someone manages to say exactly what you're thinking and/or feeling, but so much more eloquently? That's Deirdre. And, she lived in Berkeley, another plus.

Another awesome writer is over at red couch fever. She writes about farm life and her animals and weird stuff they eat and is hilarious.

So, all of you make my day. Thanks.

Gung Hay Fat Choy (Happy Chinees Noo Yeer)

Last night, well after he was supposed to be asleep, A. came out with a handmade card for us.


He says the leopard-print scotch tape is in honor of the leopards in China, and the green symbol is the best Chinese writing he can do.

V-Day Crafts

You might remember last year, when A. turned into the Valentine's Elf and made a ton of decorated hearts. We still have some left over, even after giving them to friends, family and classmates, and this year he decorated some more, but not as many (Thank God). Personally, I prefer the random "sequin sneeze" look of last year's hearts (2, 5, 6 & 8) to the more orderly ones of this year (1 & 7).

I took some red ribbon and some decorated ribbon ($1 at Target for 3 yard-long spools) and decorated our kitchen window. I'm quite happy with it. I'm so glad we have a kitchen window that's the perfect size in which to hang hand-made garlands.

In other news, I'm exhausted. We're all getting over colds and Ben woke up this morning at 4:30am crying, "I'm not tired! I'm not tired!" So he came into our bed, sniffling, snorting and whistling through his nose, asking every few minutes, "Are you sweeping, Mama?"

Sometimes I can't wait until they're teenagers and want nothing to do with me.

So Sarah gave me a sweet You Make My Day award. This is a pay-it-forward kind of meme where you honor the blogs that make you happy.

So first off, I have to put my sister down because she's my sister and it always makes my day when she updates. Of course, if she really cared about my happiness, she'd do it more often. But then again, she was also the one who told me the boogey man was right there over on the neighbor's lawn coming to get me.

Next I've got to give a "right back at'cha" to Sarah. She's funny, smart, interesting, she posts daily and she comments a lot over here at the Lunasea. So I owe her, big time. And, she almost lived near me.

I'm also a big fan of Poppy Mom. She never fails to crack me up, and I love her honesty about the trials of motherhood. She's a fantastic writer, and a pretty good cook, too. I totally want to have her and Clara Jane over for coffee.

Jenny at ljcfyi has already been honored, but I have to include her too because hers was the first blog I read where I realized, "Hey, I could write about everyday life, and it might be fun!" She's insanely creative and upbeat and her blog posts always cheer me up.

And, of course, Dr. Corndog. God, he's funny. And nice. And smart. My eyes light up when there's a new post in my bloglines.

That's five, right? Geez, I could do so many more. Probably tomorrow.

I'm not answering my phone this week.

John McCain won't stop calling. He even had his wife call to see if I would pick up. Mit keeps calling, too, although he's not as obsessed with me as John seems to be. Really, John, if you're reading this, it's not going to work out between us. You've gotta stop calling me.

"But Lunasea," I can hear you saying, "I didn't know you were Republican." I'm not. But 4 long years ago, my BIL made a donation in my name to the Republican party. And gave them my phone number.

Lonely? Tired of coming home and not having messages on your answering machine? Give $10 to the Republicans. They will NEVER leave you alone. Even after you send back their mailings with "I'M A DEMOCRAT. STOP WASTING YOUR POSTAGE ON ME," scrawled all over them in black Sharpie.

Just because I drew a few doodles on BIL's portrait of George and Laura. And I might have signed him up to host a house party for John Kerry in 2004 and I might have added his name to a couple mailing lists. He's moved like, 10 times since then, and I haven't. So the Democrats can't find him anymore and the Republicans are in danger of having me file a restraining order on them. So I guess he wins. OK! I give up!

Just as long as I win in November.

There's a Reason They Play Soccer on the Grass

So it's been two years since I landed in the hospital with a bonked head. (Scroll down to beginning of February).

Two years ago I tried to watch the Super Bowl in my hospital room, but was thwarted by:

1. the blind spot in the middle of my vision (the clot was pressing on my visual cortex);
2. the horrible reception and green streaks on the TV
3. my apathy for football. (but yesterday's game was exciting, I'll give you that)

People who don't see me very often ask, "How ARE you?" I say, "Fine, thanks - how are you?" and then they say, "No, I mean your head. Are you all better and everything?" and I say, "Oh, yeah, that. Yeah. I think so, I mean, I forget things but I don't know if it's age or what....So, can you believe all this rain?"

But they don't let it drop. They say, "Wow, that was scary." I say, "Yep. It was." And I try to figure out if they really want to hear the whole story or not. Do they want to know the details, do they want to hear the funny stories, or do they want confirmation that I'm not in a coma?

On Saturday, we drove by the hospital across the bay where I was transferred to the ICU from our little local ER. I remembered little details, like the box marked "CADAVER BAGS" over the nurses' station as I shuffled down the hall. I guess not too many of their patients walk around, because you'd think they'd have those in a closet or something. Guess they need to keep them handy.

I also remembered the two neurosurgeons. One wanted to operate and the other didn't (or, actually, he left it up to us but said he thought it would be OK to hold off). The one who wanted to operate helped himself to OJ off my dining tray and spilled it all over himself. Smooth. Perhaps God was sending us a message confirming the decision not to operate.

The main thing I took away from this experience is how freakin' lucky I am. Everyone in the hospital seemed pretty surprised I was as coherent as I was. The first doctor said, "You're probably just one of those disgustingly healthy people." You know? I really am. I have bad allergies, whoop de doo. I've broken one tiny bone in my hand in college, and no others. I've never had my body really malfunction. My cells haven't turned against me (except those wrinkly ones, but they're not really hurting anything).

And the importance of accepting things as they are. If I did have some sequelae, there's not really a damn thing anyone could do about it and I would just have to live with it. If I'm ever a little freaked out by not remembering something I really should remember, I just remind myself, "Yeah, well, if it IS because of the brain injury, you know what the doctors would tell you? They'd tell you to write stuff down. Use post-it notes. Because it's not fixable. So whatever the reason is, you've just got to adapt." I have to put on my very-big-girl pants and deal with it.

I still get a little nervous playing soccer with the boys. I have a new fear of falling that I didn't have before. I freaked out a little when I started getting monthly migraines last year. But mostly, everything is good, and I am really freakin' lucky.

And you know what else? I'm really glad I blog. I remember stuff from the time that G. has totally forgotten. He can't believe the details I remember. I remember only because I blogged it. As I went back through the Feb 06 entries, I saw stories about my boys that I'd forgotten, too. Blogging rules.

Not a Joke

Saw this on one of the low-carb blogs I stalk, and thought it was a joke. It's not. There's a bill suggesting that restaurants be prohibited from serving food to obese people.

Uh-oh...I feel my libertarian streak coming out! U.S. out of my fat cells!

A Ben Story

Today I was making a salad and Ben was "helping" me by throwing the browner bits of the lettuce into the sink. He missed, and said, "I better try again. If at sixty three, try try again!"

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I Wish

What made me laugh this morning:

Is Make-A-Wish Foundation being driven into bankruptcy?

Big Day

So today's report card day. A.'s very first report card! Mom and Dad's first report card, too. G. almost videotaped it, but I stopped him in time.

He got Excellent on Group Time: Attention, Courtesy, Participation and General Self-Control. He says, "That's because when Teacher is showing us a new job, I sit very quietly and don't move." He's a good listener (when he wants to be).

And he just got Satisfactory on PE. I expected that - Teacher doesn't like it when kids enter her class not knowing how to skip. But he's got the skipping down now, man. And he's the smallest kid in the class, for heaven's sake. I give him credit just for being positive about Field Days.

BTW, "Field Days are about winning. P.E.'s just about practice," according to A.

The comment was, "Since September, A. has shown great improvement in his penmanship." That's it.

Oh Thank God because we were afraid he was forever doomed to write all his letters backwards. I'm just guessing here, call me a dreamer, but I'll bet it gets even better by 3rd grade! I sure hope they track that in the report card comments!

So part of me is like, "Good. He's right on track, no worries, right where he should be. I'm not gonna put my perfectionism on him."

And the other part of me is like, "Are they BLIND?"

Who Needs Blog Topics?

I'll just type in A.'s list for the day.

Wac up
brush teef
eet brefix
pt on clos
wach creeeees jorj
go too sgoowl
plai hid and seek
sneec urond hawis
woch u videeo
hav sum aktivdee
sbed sum tim wi my famlee*
go too sleep

*That one's my favorite.

He's just a little bit of a slave to his list. He likes to do things in the order written, but he's not too thrown off when I change things around and add stuff like "go to libraree" and tell him to brush his teef AFTER brefix. He dutifully checks things off after he does each one, and gets quite thrown if he can't find his list. He's not sure what to do if he doesn't have his list to tell him.

My to-do list for the day:

lawndree
wawsh dishs
mak dinr
dew billeeng
mak fown kawls

For Kids Who Do Too Much, Part II

We now have a list for what to do after bedtime, too:

Nit List

• Luc at cadn unrpans bcs*
• sai my prers
• go in Ben's krib
• cleen my room
• sneec urawnd hawis
• reed bcs

*Captain Underpants Books

Thanks goodness he included sneaking around the house. He always forgets to do that.

For Kids Who Do Too Much

When I got home from work tonight, A. very proudly showed me his To Do list for tomorrow. He had it all written out on a piece of paper:

• waic up
• pt on cllos
• brush ar teef
• eet brefisd
• go too sgoowl
• plai socr
• woch u videeo
• plai on u cmpyoudr
• plai kards
• hav activuees
• hav dinr
• go to sleep

"I've got a lot going tomorrow!" he exclaimed.

Ok, but you still need a cutlery set

I'm a busy non-blogger today, but I thought this was hilarious. Those smart-ass Brits left 145 comments about the Bic crystal pen. You can even buy a couple of them, used. Found via RockStar Mommy's great blog.

So remember on Friday when I wondered what crazy thing I'd do next?

We bought a couch for our family room Friday night:


Nice, eh? We've needed something for this room ever since we moved in. We've been making do with my old futon, which worked but was pretty uncomfortable and rather ugly. Since we spend most of our time in this room, it didn't make sense to have nice furniture in the living room and the dregs in here. Levitz is having a bankruptcy sale, so we got this one for 60% off. We're all enjoying sitting on it. And I can label it and straighten my hair on it, too, if I want.

And, for something totally unrelated, G and I sublet a psychotherapy office in a suite. We do not control the books in the waiting room, which include "Venomous Animals." Maybe not what I'd choose as reading material for a bunch of anxious clients, but that's why we're just the subleters.



And the third totally unrelated thing:

Middle Niece (B) is quite talented, doing the singing and dancing thing. She just moved from California to New York (New Jersey, technically) to try her luck on the Great White Way. She and her roommate are writing a blog to chronicle their experiences and give their parents heart attacks. This is her first blog and we really want her to keep it up, so if you have a second to encourage them, that'd be awesome.

Today

Today's Complaint: Kid's DVDs that don't let you skip over the commercial previews to get to the menu. What's up wit dat? That annoys the crap out of me. Today's was Jay-Jay the Creepy Jet Plane.

Today's Obsession: GoodReads. Just found it via Laid-Off Dad, and come to find out some of my friends are already on it. Love it - helps me keep track of what I want to read AND has a widget. Add me as a friend if you're on it too. I need to change something, though, because it looks like all I read are books by Maeve Binchy. Those are just the most recent ones I added, I swear.

Today's Challenge: Run a full-frontal assault on the ants taking over my kitchen. The boys are making a game of hopping over the floor trying to avoid them, and having lots of fun calling them "stupid" since I said that ants were the one thing it was OK to call stupid.

Oh, and maybe get some exercise.

Today's Weather: Rain. Rain, more rain. The hills better be bright emerald green after this or I'll be pissed.

Today's Goal: Organize and label all the family room toys.

Today's Goal for Ben: Poop. We're on Day 6 of the Poop Watch and getting a little nervous. I am, anyway. Ben seems fine with it. I have become that mother - the one consumed by the lack of regularity in her child's bowel movements.

Today's Pleasure: Bought myself a hair straightener AND a label-maker. I've wanted both for a long time, and today I threw caution to the wind at Target and got the cheapest versions of each! Who knows what crazy thing I'll do next?!

Another funny parody of the Tom "Wacky Boy" Cruise video by Jerry O'Connell. He does a good job with the Tommy Hysterical Laughter.

I Liked It

I'm putting this on my blog so I don't lose it. It's from Deborah Madison's Vegetarian Suppers and is one of the best ways to get vegetables. I had to return the book to the library and now I can't find my copy of the recipe. Thank goodness she posted it on her blog:

Braised Mixed Greens and garlicky beans on toast
Serves 3 to 4

Any mixture of greens can be spooned over garlic-rubbed toast, as it is here, pasta, or polenta. For wine, try a Spanish red, such as a Grenache-based Priorat wine or a Spanish white Alberinio.

1 tablespoon olive oil, plus extra for finishing
1 small onion, finely diced
2 plump garlic cloves, 1 slivered, 1 halved
1-pound greens, such as chard mixed with the tips and leaves of broccoli rabe, or a mix of small braising greens, washed and chopped
sea salt and freshly ground pepper
if available, a few leaves to a few handfuls sorrel, 5 or 6 lovage leaves, or a handful each of chopped cilantro and parsley
1 1/2 cups cooked beans (borlotti, cannellini, etc.), made from scratch or canned
3 to 4 slices chewy country bread
shaved Parmesan cheese or crumbled Gorgonzola

1. Heat the oil in a large skillet or Dutch oven. Add the onion and cook over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Once the starts to soften a bit, after 3 to 4 minutes, add the slivered garlic. Cook a minute more, and then add the greens and any herbs. Season with 1/2 teaspoon salt.
2. As the greens cook down, turn them in the pan to bring the ones on top closer to the heat. Once they’ve all collapsed, add 1/2 cup water or bean broth, lower the heat, and cook, partially covered, until tender. Depending on the greens you’ve chosen, this could take as little as a few minutes or as long as twenty. Just make sure there’s some liquid in the pan, for in the end you’ll want a little sauce. When the greens are done, add the beans, heat them through, then taste for salt, and season with pepper.
3. Toast the bread and rub it with halved garlic. Arrange on plates and spoon the greens and beans over the top. Drizzle extra olive oil on top. Garnish with the cheese and serve.

Spring Fashion Report '08

On her blog today, Lemony Sarah introduced us all to the wonders of designer Thom Browne (which she found via Dave Barry).

I was so taken by this wunderkind, I just had to go check out his designs myself and steal LS's blog idea. Here are two more favorites:

How often have you heard your man say: "This unitard would be just perfect if I only had a pocket for my keys and ID."

Or, perhaps, "I'm too much man for this unitard. I need a swatch of fabric RIGHT THERE for reinforcement. "


And, for those days at the office when the regular business suit is too stuffy, but a polo shirt is too casual:

A. Thinks Globally, Acts Locally

A. is learning about peacemakers in kindergarten, and thought Target was as good a place as any for an impromptu peace march.

And Another Thing....

If I was in the market for a full-time job, I would so go for this. Just so I could say I'm badass.

Seriously, if you like photos and the internet, Photojojo is the place to be. Subscribe to their newsletter.


AND...if you saw the Tom "Spiral Eyes" Cruise video, you've gotta see the Cathy Zielske scrapbooking parody. If you haven't seen the Tommy video and don't mind wasting 10 minutes of your life, look here.

Oh, and today is Beastie's birthday. She's way too important to the computer systems of a major hospital to post more often, but a big "Happy Birthday, Middle Sister," to her.

Oh, and because Oldest Sister reads this blog, Happy Birthday Two Days Ago to you too!

And, once again, thanks to you and Middle Sister for not only having birthdays 2 days apart in January, but also having (almost) ALL your children in January, too. Costco socks for all of you.

No way could I post every day for a year. But I can do several posts in one day. Maybe I could do 365 posts in 365 days, but not necessarily once a day. Oooooh. I think I may need to make a banner for that. (My Own Banner! Not Stolen From Anyone!)

So I got this off of My Whim is Law (which is a great title, btw), who got it off Not World Famous. You're supposed to pick your birth month and then bold and discuss the qualities that apply to you.


OCTOBER:

• Loves to chat. Once I get started, with people I know, sure, but I hate the telephone and I hate parties where I don't know anyone.
• Loves those who loves them. Who's gonna say no to that? "I hate people who love me! They suck!"
  
• Loves to take things at the center. An Oreo should always be eaten middle first.
• Inner and physical beauty. So everybody born in October is beautiful? OK. And my CT scans were quite pretty, with all the colors and whatnot (re: inner beauty. Try to keep up).
  
• Lies but doesn't pretend. - Eh, I think it's the other way around.
• Gets angry often. Define often. NOW!
• Treats friends importantly. I don't suppose they'd be friends very long otherwise, would they?
• Always making friends. I'm not ALWAYS making friends, but I have kept friends from every significant phase of my life. I can almost always find someone to get along with.
  
• Easily hurt but recovers easily. Eh, I used to be easily hurt. Now it's not that easy, but when it happens I don't recover easily.
• Daydreamer. I'm sorry...what?
• Opinionated. Who ever says they're NOT opinionated?
  
• Does not care of what others think. I don't know...what do you think?
• Emotional.
• Decisive. Yes. Definitely.
• Strong clairvoyance. I have good intuition about people, but I don't see dead people.
  
• Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Sure.
  
• Touchy and easily jealous. Again, I think I used to be much more than I am now.
• Concerned. I'm concerned about any readers returning to my blog after this.
  
• Loves outdoors. Sure. Love my bed more, but yeah, trees are good.
• Just and fair. I like to think I'd make a good judge.
• Spendthrift. Hahahahahaha
• Easily influenced. Well, now, if I'm decisive and I don't care what others think, wouldn't that mean I'm not easily influenced? I guess it depends on what. Find some cute shoes or stationery, offer me a fruity drink, yeah, I'm easily influenced. Be a republican, and no, I'm not.
• Easily loses confidence. Yeah, this is probably true. I don't know! Auuugh! I know nothing!
  
• Loves children. Especially grilled with some lemon butter on the side.

So I got 73%. Not bad. But we don't know if that means anything unless I go and do all the other months too.

Here are the rest of the months. Knock yourselves out. Especially Beej - she rocks these things. And it's not Thursday, so she shouldn't be tied up. Hahahaha.

Along the same lines as Finslippy's Bad Parenting blog post, here's Mrs. Kennedy's Bad Housekeeping post.

More Party Planning Fun

A. is turning into a regular Stanlee Gatti. Last night, after bedtime, he climbed into Ben's crib and started helping him plan the party for his 3rd birthday in March. They chose a "Halloween" theme and the invitations, already designed by A., say something like,

Happy Brfedee Ben
We love you Ben
Ben is turning 3

They have the guest list done, too. I'm really hoping I can change their minds back to Little Einsteins as the theme because I don't want to dig out the Halloween decorations again for a party in March. On the other hand, we already have Halloween decorations and we don't have Little Einstein decorations, yet. Hmmm. Maybe A. does know what he's doing.

A. got distracted, though, by his wish list for his own birthday, still 9 months away. He came out and asked me to spell the words for him.

On the top of his list is money. Finally, we're getting practical and not asking for a rocket trip to the moon. Next is Lincoln Logs. Beautiful. I can handle Lincoln Logs. (It nearly broke my heart when he told me they had a set at school but he never gets to play with it because other kids always get there first. It's not like he has a wooden leg and hobbles pathetically behind all the other children, but it felt like that.)

Next is "Underwater Lego Set."

Me: Um, what's an underwater lego set?

A: A lego set you can do underwater. (Duh.)

Me: Yeah, but....have you ever seen one?

A: Tomorrow we can check on the internet and see if Lego.com has one.

Me: But why an underwater one? How often do you build things underwater?

A: We'll just check tomorrow, OK? Next is a fake balloon.

Me: A what?

A: A fake balloon.

Me (adding it to the list): What's a fake balloon?

A (slowly): It's like a balloon but it's not real.

Me: I know, but......


So today while we were walking to school, I brought the subject up again:

Me: Hey, A., remember when you asked for a fake balloon yesterday? What would a fake balloon be made of?

A: Rubber. So it wouldn't pop.

Me: Oh. Would it float around like a balloon?

A: No, it would bounce.

Me: Gee, that pretty much sounds like a ball.

A: Yeah. A bouncy ball. Except that it looks like a balloon. A fake balloon.

In Other News....

Sorry to be such a downer these few days, but it will continue just a tiny bit longer. I just went to the funeral of a colleague I really admired. She taught me how to see the world through a psychotic person's eyes, and how important it is to respect the human being underneath the mental illness. She was always smiling, even after 30 years in community mental health, and was a fantastic mother and wife. The church overflowed with people who loved her.

The service was a really super long Episcopalian one. Damn, I think it even outlasted my super long wedding. The celebrant was a woman (yay) and the homily was inspiring and made me feel a tiny bit lighter about my friend's sudden, accidental death. In the middle I thought, "Hey, maybe I'm actually an Episcopalian!"

I continue the search.

With Baited Breath....

I await an e-mail from the author of that letter generator site, answering my question if it's OK that I edited his letters in photoshop and added a black background. I assumed it was and maybe I was wrong. But now that I see that people really want to jump to the worst possible conclusions about other people, I guess I'd better check.

Y'all are totally right that I should let this roll off my back. Don't make it a big deal....

But it's terribly discouraging to me, this willingness, NO, eagerness to think the worst about someone. I realize I shouldn't let it affect me so, because I have also gotten support from corners I never expected. But yeah, it does bother me. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I believe everyone's just trying to do their best. And, I believe the world would be a better place if we all did that.

Mea Culpa

My fancy new header is courtesy of Spell with Flickr.

Just for the record, I never claimed it was my work. I put the words together in PSE6 and added a black background and some texture, which I guess is what some other letter generator sites do automatically. Kelly (in the previous post's comments) thought I'd stolen the idea off her blog. Never having seen her blog before, that would have been impossible, but she was quite right that I was being lazy in finding the link to the site. I had put in my credits that I got it "off a flickr widget that I had to find the link for."

When I put up the header, it was late at night. I'd found it through someone else's blog and couldn't remember who, so I figured I'd have to retrace my steps and find it. I hadn't kept the link to the site and I figured I'd get to it in a few days. That was a mistake - I've thought about it and I shouldn't have posted it until I had the link ready to go. It wasn't at all hard to find - google "flickr letter generator" - there are tons out there and the one I used can be found in the very first result. Wish I'd thought of that earlier.

Anyway, I'm sorry my blog has apparently ruined someone's entire morning. Personally, I thought her post was a bit harsh and made a lot of assumptions.

The Party of the Century

A. came home with more plans for his birthday party. He now has the complete guest list, having spent his entire recess gathering the kids names. Three children said they didn't want to come (who are not getting any candy for Valentine's Day, btw. He may not be bothered by it, but I hold a grudge).

He wants a Charlie Brown/Peanuts theme, with a poster of Charlie Brown looking at Snoopy's decorated-for-Christmas doghouse, and we will have a game of "Pin the Star on Snoopy's Doghouse." Do they even sell Peanuts party supplies anymore?

We will have a jumpy house, according to the schematic of the backyard he's provided which shows where everything will go. There is a place to read books, a place to watch TV (which, oddly, is drawn with 50's-style rabbit ears), and a place for grown-ups because "they'll want to talk to each other." It looks a lot like the epic dinosaur party we threw just 4 months ago.

He is also very insistent, almost to the point of tears, that he really wants a whole cake this time, not the lousy little cupcakes I threw at him in years prior.

I don't know if he's trying to deflect attention from Ben's birthday in two months, or if he is really this compulsive a planner.

Oh, and I forgot to add: There's a place in his party map to make paper crowns. Because nothing says "Peanuts" like paper crowns.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

And, because Ben hasn't gotten any stories lately, this from the car yesterday:

A: Ben! Why did you tear my map?

Ben: Well. I just didn't mean to tear it, A. It was a axident.

A: But why did you tear it?

Me: (suspecting Ben was not alone in the map-tearing scenario) Hey A. - did you actually see him tear the map? How did it happen? Where were you and what were you doing?*

Ben: LET'S JUST NOT TALK. LET'S JUST LOOK OUT THE WINDOW RIGHT NOW.

*I have a habit of asking 16 questions at once without giving him a chance to answer any, which I'm working on.

But It Didn't Ask Me to Rate Hair

83% John Edwards
82% Hillary Clinton
81% Dennis Kucinich
81% Barack Obama
80% Chris Dodd
77% Mike Gravel
76% Joe Biden
76% Bill Richardson
37% Rudy Giuliani
30% John McCain
24% Mitt Romney
22% Tom Tancredo
21% Mike Huckabee
14% Ron Paul
11% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Thanks to Sarah for the link.

Making Me Feel So Much Better

I have to direct you to Finslippy's awesome blog today because I laughed so hard I cried. You also have to go down a few posts to read the comments on the "bad parent" post. Makes my seething of several days ago look downright angelic.

When I get home from work on Mondays, the boys have usually been in bed about a half hour and are nowhere near asleep, so I have get to go in and hear about their day.

Tonight, A. greeted me with the excited announcement, "In three days from today, I get to have a treat!"

Me: "Oh yeah? What treat?"

A: "I get to go to the movies!"

Me: "Really? With who?"

A: "My dad."

Me: "Does he know about this?"

A: "Yes, he said so."

Me: "Well, in three days it's Thursday, and he has to work that day, so I'm not sure how that's going to work."

A: "Oh, I forgot. He actually said Mama."


He also began writing down the names of all his classmates who say "Yes" when he asks, "Do you want to come to my birthday party?" He's got two names so far because that's all he had time to write. Tomorrow he's going to have to write Brandon because he didn't have time to write his name down today.

Me: "Boy, that could take a long time if you only get two children each day. "

A: "Maybe tomorrow I'll ask some children with shorter names."

Me: "That's a good idea. Is there anyone you don't want to invite?"

A: "No, I'll ask everyone."

Me: "That's nice. And will your feelings be hurt if someone says they don't want to come?"

A: (looking puzzled) "No, my feelings won't be hurt. I don't really mind if they don't want to come. I just want to know who does want to come because then I will know who to invite. "

I LOVE the practicality of that kid. Don't stress over the guest list, just ask who wants to come. Everybody wins. Even if the party is eight months away.

Now is Greater and She Knows That

(I'm big on the REM lyrics as Blog Post Titles right now)

Last night G. sat on the couch next to me for some "quality time."

G: Let's go look at tires online.

Me: ....grumble...grumble...roll eyes....OK.

G: Costco.com

Me: OK, there they are.

G: OK, those prices aren't too bad. Now let's go to Rustoleum.com.

We stumbled around that site a little until we found the hammered paint for the gate outside.

G: What color would you paint it?

Me: Black. Same as it is now.

G: OK.

Me: Anything else you want to look at? WD-40.com?

G: Well, we could go to the IRS site. (he wasn't kidding)

Me: Yeah, what would be more fun than Rustoleum.com? The IRS!

We watched an episode of Heroes instead. But I could tell he'd rather be poking around the IRS site.

Lenny Bruce is Not Afraid

Today is a bake-in-your-jammies kind of day, as we're homebound by the Storm! Of The Century! We might get a whole inch of rain! Winds may approach hurricane force (if you happen to be standing on a mountaintop). We're not homebound in the way people with real weather are homebound, but when we look outside and see the wind and hard rain, we say, "If we don't have to go driving in this, we won't." It's the kind of weather that invites accidents here in California where drivers don't have the sense of a goat. (When did I turn into my grandmother? Shoot me if I start saying "Boy, that sun sure is warm!")

We have our electricity and the drainage culvert behind us is a good 8 feet away from flooding. Good things.

I'm feeling much more child-friendly today, as my good friend Britney kindly sucked all the crazy-mommy out of me and used it herself. Good thing, too, since we're all stuck together inside all day. I mean me and the kids, not Britney. Someone else is taking care of her, hopefully.

God is currently on notice, however, that I am DONE with tragic deaths. Done. No more. I've heard too many stories this winter and the latest was getting news that one of my favorite psychiatrists ever to work with got hit by a car. Middle of the morning, an intersection I drove through many times a day when I lived there, crosssing in the crosswalk with the signal. And that's it - she's dead. Enough already.

Except for the "Weak" Part

Do you ever have days where you just can't believe how big a bitch you are? Where you feel like you have one of those voice-changers in your mouth because if you didn't work very very hard to make your voice slow and neutral, every "that's nice" or "that's interesting" you say to your kids would sound like a very acerbic "you've mistaken me for someone who gives a shit." Or you're afraid they might hear the "OHMYGODSHUTTHEFUCKUP" you're screaming in your brain?

And part of you is just watching this, marveling at the bitchdom, because you're not really like this normally? Oh sure, you have the cranky days, but they're not usually this Psycho-Mommie-Dearest. And you know it's not the kids' fault. They're not being any more annoying or difficult than usual.

When I was pregnant with A., I had this very hormonal day where I snapped at G., "OHMYGOD, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Hysterical Lunasea was new to him, so we just stared, startled, at each other and I said, "Whoa. Sorry 'bout that." That's what this is like, but it's harder because I can snap at G. and he'll be like, "Okaaaay. I'm just gonna go hide in the garage. See ya in a few days." But the kids can't do that and would wonder what the hell they did to turn me into Monster Bitch. I can't have that. I won't have them afraid of my blow-ups, especially when they're doing nothing wrong. I know what that's like and I won't have it for my children.

So I brought out the aforementioned voice changer and tried very hard to speak slowly and neutrally. I played with A. and read to Ben. Otherwise I kept my mouth shut. Because whoever was possessing me today...she really shouldn't be around children.

Happy New Year's!

We went out for a quick dinner at a Japanese restaurant yesterday, and explained to the boys what New Year's resolutions were. A. jumped on the bandwagon, saying he wanted to get better at skipping, learn French (?), and try new foods.

Great resolutions, I thought, especially the one about trying new foods. When I started reading him the menu, though, he said, "I'm going to start that one tomorrow," and opted for plain white rice.

White Christmas

I don't have any pics because I don't have any USB cables here to hook my camera up here (note: put on packing list for next year), but Portland got a nice dusting of snow for Christmas Day. That was cool, although today A. tells us that snow gives him a headache. Good thing he lives most of the winter in California.

The boys are over at the uncle's house this morning, because their snow actually stuck, and I'm getting ready to walk BY MYSELF to get some coffee. The BY MYSELF and the COFFEE are the important parts of that sentence. It's been a very nice Christmas and a pretty fun trip, really, but I need a tiny bit of down time.

The only bummer is that A., like his mother, seems to be allergic to air. I can control my nose with a steroid spray, but my lungs feel like they're filled with smoke and my ears itch. Poor A. is too young for the spray and Claritin has limited efficacy, so he's getting drugged with benadryl every night. It helps him sleep but he still snores pretty loudly. One of us sleeps with him while the other parent sleeps across the hall in the tiny single bed. So at least one of us gets a good night's sleep. Tonight's my night -yay! And tomorrow we head home. I enjoyed Christmas more than usual this year, but I'm always glad when it's over and I can get back to my routine.

This morning we headed out to the airport. On the shuttle from the parking garage, Ben ran a constant monologue for the rest of the passengers.

"Is this is a real bus? I like this bus. Oh, look at all these cars. And I see some airplanes. We're going on an airplane. We're going to drive the airplane. We're going to fly. I like this bus. This is a very nice bus."

Next to us was a couple with two boys about 6 and 8 years old. They sat slumped in their seats and didn't say a word.

"Someday, ours will be that quiet," I said to the mother.

"Yeah, it takes a while," she offered, watching the motormouth on my lap. I could tell she was thinking, "And, in your case, it may never happen."

Anyway, for the first time, we checked both car seats and didn't bring a stroller. I couldn't believe it. All four of us WALKED onto the plane by ourselves (before stepping onto the plane, Ben demanded to know who was going to drive this thing, but fortunately felt safe enough with my vague, "the pilot knows how to drive this plane" and didn't demand to meet him/her personally) and we all sat in our four respective seats. A. actually fell asleep with G., and Ben watched Little Einsteins on my iPod after several minutes of narrating everything happening outside his window. Loudly. I actually read a magazine. Even with a motormouth, it was soooo much easier.

And we're here in Portland. I have to figure out the wonders of Windows Vista so I can explain my MIL's new computer to her. And I'm going to bed. G'night.

On the 11th Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me...

I have a feeling I'm supposed to be doing something right now since Christmas is 6 days away and we leave for Portland in less than 3 days, but I'm brain dead from listening to people all day (why are people in therapy so doggone negative? Sheesh). So I'm going to do a meme from Sarah.

Age on my next birthday:



Place I'd like to travel:



Place I've been:


Favorite Food:





Place I was born:


Place I live:


Name of past pet:



My best friend's nickname:

My maiden name:
First Job:
(FYI: don't google "babysitter" images unless your safe search is on. Unless you want lots of porno pics that, as far as I can see, have nothing to do with babysitting.)

10 Frogs A-Leaping

A shorter video than yesterday's - the last verse of what we call the "my true love song." Watch how Ben knocks an ornament from the tree and then tries to deflect attention from himself with a loud "FIIIVE," like, "I couldn't have knocked that ornament down because look how loud I'm singing."

Thank Goodness Their Grandparents Think They're Cute

I tried to make a video of A. and Ben singing Christmas songs for the grandparents. Be sure to stay tuned for A.'s special Christmas message at the end. Christmas Crabs. And Ben's hungry.

Every Culture

...tries to claim Jesus as their own.



Few people realize that Jesus was actually Irish, and the three kings were leprechauns.

From: Bad Nativities

And thanks to Lindsey for the link.

Thanks, PBS

The downside of having a kid who doesn't watch commercial TV is that he doesn't ask for anything normal at Christmas time. His wish list includes a tree house (he wanted one of these for his birthday, too - we're working on it) and a "weather-thing" which he explained like this:

A: "It has mountains and you can make the clouds come out and rain, and then you can make them go away and make the sun shine."

Me: "Uh-huh. So does this all, like, happen inside a box?"

A: "No, it just happens wherever you are."

Me: "So you sort of make your own weather happen over the mountains?"

A: "Yep."

Me: "You know, buddy, I've never seen anything like that. I'm not sure Santa has something like that."

A (rolling eyes): "He could have his elves make it."

Duh. If you tell me the dude can get around the world in 24 hours, then he's gotta be able to make a small scale ecosystem, right? Pssshhh.

Hope he's not too disappointed when Santa brings him some Knex instead.

Our New Name for Corn Dogs

A: "Today, the kids that had hot lunch got corn-on-the-dogs."

I have 10 minutes, give or take a few, to read a book before I fall asleep at night, so it better be worthwhile. At the moment I'm reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle which is actually inspiring me to eat more vegetables, a miracle in itself.

Pre-children, a perfect afternoon for me would be spent rummaging around Green Apple Books in SF. It was right down the street from my office and had tons of nooks and crannies to explore. It had such a funky layout of levels and added-on rooms that people literally got lost in there.

I don't have that kind of time now, nor do I have a cool used bookstore in a convenient locale. My attempts to live within my means requires that I now use the public library. If I ever become a philanthropist, I'm giving money to the library. I think it's an enormously important community resource. Where else do you get to take something home for free, as long as you give it back when you're done?

Anyway, this is all to say that I don't have the time to browse bookstores, so I have a personal book-shopper. Her name is Jess and she has led me to at least 6 really good books this year:

Kate Atkinson: Behind the Scenes at the Museum, Case Histories

Stephanie Kallos: Broken for You

Geraldine Brooks: Year of Wonders

Nicole Krauss: The History of Love (I may have just found this on the New Releases bookshelf, I don't remember - but it's still on Jess' list)

Amy Krouse Rosenthal: Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life

I liked them all, although I read 3 in a row that had at least one dead child as a central theme, and I try to avoid that whole subject.

It's so hard to recommend books, since what we like in a book is so idiosyncratic. I don't think I'll ever find a personal shopper who can find clothes to fit me (because, as the shortest-waisted person in the world, such clothes do not exist) but that's OK because having a personal book-shopper is more important. To me, anyway.

My Kid Makes Me Laugh

Most kids, when confronted with a foam snowman kit, stick the pieces together.


A., however, prefers to take a deconstructionist approach: